my side of the story... wanna hear it?

Saturday, June 07, 2008

holidays are going to end very soon... it's amazing how time flies... it feels like yesterday i was celebrating the end of my mid term examinations, but in less than 48 hours i'll be going back to school... i have come to realize that thing will be different once the holidays end... the main fact being i have no more time to waste and must start giving all that i have for the upcoming STPM examination... honestly, i'm not confident in doing well... seriously... pressure is extremely high on me as my mom (specifically my mom) really wants me to do well... but i have zero confidence in acing this examination... this isn't like SPM... it's a whole new ball game... me being the less hardworking one among the children in my family, i'm constantly being nagged to go study... but i do not blame anyone for the nagging beside myself for being lazy... anyways, it seem i might have to take drastic measures to make sure i study real hard... the main one is to remove all possible distractions... in other words, no more watching television (bye bye CSI and NCIS), no more going online (bye bye MSN, Facebook, and my dear blog which has no readers) and last but not least, switching off BOTH my phones... i don't even plan to reload once october reaches... like it or not, it seems to be the only way to go... self confinement and seclusion... quarantine you might call it... just me, books, notes and a whole load of coffee... not your RM 10+ coffee from starbucks... but plain ol' nescafe... just to keep me running through the nights and whenever i feel like dropping dead... just (approximately) 5 months, i have to go all out... as what my maths tuition teacher said: "i don't care what your marks are now and before... just got all out in this 5 months and you will get your A..."

effort, determination and the will to succeed are the utmost important factors now... having wasted nearly my entire holidays lazing around doing practically nothing, this 5 months is critical... do i believe in myself? no... but others do... and i do not want to disappoint them... i know even if they never said it to me before... hopes of many rest on me... the biggest from my family... having reached to point of no return, a small part of me wants to fight and reclaim victory... i have come too far and too long to just give up... that part of me is screaming that at me... that same small part is also confident i can make it through... the biggest hurdle is not the examination itself, but more of overcoming my very own shortcomings... having to battle myself, pitting the very sole of my being against itself is going to take a lot... much more than i can ever imagine... but am i will to go for it...? a faint 'yes' i can say... but i'm sure, as time goes by, i will somehow find the strength to battle my own shortcomings... there will be casualties no doubt, but i will try to minimize the number of casualties... casualties being people getting the 'stressed out, pissed off, lack of sleep and basically on the verge of breaking' side of me... it's bound to happen without any doubt... but 5 months... just 5 months... *exhales* it's now or never...

the dawn of the epic war is approaching... the sounds of metal against metal blows along with the cold early morning wind... man at war with themselves, blood spilled on the very lands that could feed and be developed into more promising habitats... but... brush aside the casualties and the aftermath of war... there... lays silently... a tiny prick of light... hope... hope of a better future... this is no ordinary war... this is the war for a better future... sacrifices are needed... but this time... this sacrifice.... it's going to be worth every drop blood spilled...