Wednesday, March 26, 2008
oh boy... looks i'm back to typing emo stuff again... terrible... that's all i can say to describe what's been going on lately... even though many people don't know what's going on but it would be best that it remained that way... quite frankly, i'm very sick and tired of being the 'Nice Guy'... seriously... it seems that everywhere i go... i get stepped on, disrespected, dejected, offended (sometimes), contemplated and and i'm everything BUT contented... i hate it but i was born with this nature... i do wish i was not born with a kind heart sometimes... why...? simply because kind people are often taken advantage off... hence, i started using the phrase "Nice guys finish last." it's quite true actually... take some time to ponder over it... often we look past others ugly side and give-and-take so that problems do not arise... if everyone was to be selfish, then there wouldn't be a peaceful place for humans to live in... but sometimes we have to bring out our ugly side in order to survive... how can we just keep on letting others step on us repeatedly like a dirty rag doll...? how much longer should we let others take advantage of our kind nature...? of course, patience does play a part in this, but just how much can a normal human take...? patience does have its limits, right...?
in the midst of all this nonsense coming up, i have decided to throw away my good nature... simply because no one seems to appreciate it anymore... being appreciated does not mean gifts or expensive dinners, a simple 'thank you' is more than enough... even though i'm throwing away my good nature doesn't mean i'm being COMPLETELY ruthless and evil... i'll be nice to those who DESERVE it... those who don't, time for you people to look after yourselves... i'm not offering my help anymore... it's a waste on my time and energy plus it's making me all tensed up worrying my @$$ off (literally) knowing that you people don't even care in the first place... how 'touching'... condemn me for all you want, but this is the truth from my eyes... i have received enough nonsense from you people to last me another year, not only in school but at home as well... names need not be said because you should know yourselves well enough... i would only like to say, thanks for making me realize what a fool i am to be offering my kindness for your so-called 'gratitude'...
-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-in the midst of all this crap, there is, however, a silver lining to it... i was pleasantly surprised (and touched) when i received a card from my junior prefects (2 of them to be exact)... both whom were under my guidance... i must say, i was shocked when i was given the card... and no, it was not the colour (pink card...) that shocked me, but the thoughtfulness and sincerity that really shocked and touched my heart... hence, they should receive a proper thank you in this post... it doesn't matter if it came in a card, sms, email, or even verbally... what's really important here is the amount of thought they put in it... the sincerity and the kindness... all in just words in a card... to me, that's one of the BEST gifts i ever received... you 2 truly made my day... gratitude doesn't need to come in a form of a present or something materialistic, but it should come from the heart... -l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-to those of you who love dramas, you may have noticed that in my previous post i mentioned some confusion over feelings towards someone... now... *drama-like song playing* new twist... a new character has been introduced... well... how it goes from here, we will just have to wait and see... it is only just beginning...
Monday, March 17, 2008
it's been a very long time since i last updated... i apologize for not updating that often... it's been rough lately... all the nonsense and craps popping up like mushrooms after the rain... schooling life is fairly okay... i won't say it's fantastic... bearing the weight of my duties as a prefect is seriously taking a toll on me... especially when i'm caring this particular post in the board... why...? simply because it's problems, problems and more problems... this aren't your regular i-see-this-everyday sort of problem... these problems are caused by a more significant figure... so significant, it will be deemed rude to retaliate... i find it a little difficult and tricky to actually confront these people simply because i have to protect the integrity of not only myself, but those who work with me... i try not to play the blame game but this is getting a little bit out of hand... nonetheless, it will be settled one way or the other... besides that, i don't get information i think i should be getting... secrecy seems to be top priority among the people i work with... sure, it doesn't involve me or my department, but hell, i deserve to know SOMETHING...
moving on... SPM and STPM results are out... i actually want to congratulate those who achieved good results and those who didn't do well, all i can say is, don't give up... as some of you might know, i have an elder sibling who took STPM last year... her result was good... i would really like to be happy for her, but being the younger one is really something i'm not fond of... pressure is mounting up like a bucket under a leaking faucet... mom wants me to equal or better her result... for a average achieving student compared to a high achiever like her, i don't really think i can do it... don't even try the "sure can do it... give it all you got..." story... speaking is easy... try being in my shoes... it's a completely different ball game... whatever it may be, i am still working my @$$ off... no choice it seems... so much depends on this one examination... time is so running out... i'm not really a coffee drinker... but looks like it might change soon... might need to stock up on coffee... heck, i might just end up eating coffee powder just to stay awake...
besides all the above, things are okay... my other phone, the nokia one, is busted... again... ain't so bad this time... can still make calls... there is one major problem though... i can't access the menu...! looks like i have to go phone hunting again... >.<>
more updates on the way... i'll try to find time (and mood) to keep this blog with no readers alive... till then... have a good day...
*i'm confused about something regarding someone... i'm questioning myself and what i should do about it... it could well be an illusion of the heart...
