Tuesday, January 22, 2008
1st up, i'd like to apologize for not updating my blog... it's been a very hectic 3 weeks of school... i can hardly find the time and mood to blog... loads of work to be done... my homework is stockpiling like nobody's business... but i managed to finish some yesterday... so lesser work now... i am also facing a lot of problems... mostly school-related and time-related... i seriously find it hard to spend time with my friends... it's frustrating at times... knowing that i am unable to do such a simple thing... spending time with the people that matter most to me... i sometimes wish i had the power to stop time so that i can spend time with them... but reality... its NEVER going to happen...
moving on... being in upper 6 has taught me a lot of things... helped me get to know myself more... but in the course of learning about myself, i start to see things i don't really want to see... this has lead me to question a lot of things... past, present and also future... i'm starting to wonder if i had actually made the right choices... chosen the correct words to speak... pick the right course of action... all these questions are making me feel as if i had not done a good job and i have not only disappointed myself, but the people around me... sure.. people tell me that i'm actually doing a very good job... but i feel that i have not done anything good... i'm beginning to lose confidence in myself... even in my studies... i look at my results and i wonder if i can actually sit for STPM and come out of the hall with good results... it's so frustrating...
but what concerns me the most would be the time factor.... i know i don't have much time left to study... but i have even LESSER time to spend with my best buddies... everyone's just so busy... sometimes they are so busy, even they can't reply an sms... sounds familiar? it should... i hated having to look forward into the future and knowing that there is a possibility that i might lose some of my friends because the lack of communication due to time... it's bad... i'm like looking a great escape... quoting from the Boys Like Girls - The Great Escape:
Throw it away
Forget yesterday
We'll make the great escape
We won't hear a word they say
They don't know us anyway
Watch it burn
Let it die
Cause we are finally free tonight
being free from problems and woes are so hard... everyday in our lives... there is definitely an obstacle... some are easy to overcome... some are not... makes me wonder what would happen if i just packed up and left... as in just disappeared from the face of the earth... *poof* just like that... wouldn't that be great? from my point of view... it is in fact a brilliant idea... again... quoting from Simple Plan - When I'm Gone:
Won't look back,
When I say goodbye.
I'm gonna leave this a hole behind me,
Gonna take what's mine tonight.
Because every wasted day becomes a wasted chance.
You're gonna wake up feeling sorry,
Because life wont wait,
I guess it's up to you.
says a lot doesn't it...? oh well... life has to go on... and frankly... i'm quite sick of people telling me "don't worry... everything will be fine... you can make it through..." just about another person telling me that i would have killed that fella... i have everything to worry about and everything is and will NOT be fine and i will NOT make it through... i know my god damn limitations so don't tell me what i can and cannot do...
*bah... i'm ranting about nonsense again... sorry if you had to read my nonsense... as not much happy stuff has been going... i promise, i will try my best to 'brighten up' my blog...
