Wednesday, January 02, 2008
i know this is kinda late, but my internet line was out since thursday (27 dec 07)... i got it fixed yesterday... this is going to be long post... i didnt exactly plan to update but since i have people requesting that i update... i will... this might be a lil' sappy post... you have been warned...
the year 2007 has come and gone... as i look back, i feel that 2007 was NOT a very good year for me... there were of course ups and downs... but the downs seems to outweigh the ups by a ratio of 1:100... yea... bad right...? but maybe i just feel this way... to you it may not seem that bad... anyway... looking back... i realize a lot of things... things changed... and they change BIG TIME... *sigh* i left for a 3 month stint (NS) starting january... some of my friends left for college... 1 or 2 left the country to further their studies... some decided to try their hand at working or venturing into business... i met new people, saw new faces, experience new experiences... when i returned... things did seem a little different... solely because i'm no longer schooling (not at that time), friends are in different places... busy doing what they have to do... then i started my own studies... i enrolled into form 6... again... i met new people, saw new faces, experience new experiences... towards the end of the year, i started to feel the pressure of my upcoming STPM exam... and being so far from my beloved friends did not make it any easier... sure... they are just a sms away... but everybody is so busy studying... i try my very best not to disturb them...
as 2007 closes, i began to wonder what have i achieved in 2007... then it hit me... life is a journey of discovery... time is the revealer of secrets... i discovered things about me and the people around me, the people i love... i learn about things i don't want to learn about... ugly things reveal themselves... my ugly side showed... i did promise myself about the things i must do... especially if it involves the people i love... but things don't seem to go my way... there is always something blocking my way... if it's not the circumstances of the situation, it's the end result that affects my decision... i absolutely hate making decisions like this... not only that... some of my plans don't turn out the way it should... it's frustrating... i only wish that my friends would just stay happy regardless of how i feel... to me, they come first... above everything else... but yet i not only disappoint them, i disappointed my own self... not only did my actions hurt myself, it hurt them too... i just feel... i feel like i failed myself... i fail to be their friend... i don't have much to offer to them... i share what ever i can... i'm not some rich kid who can afford to give you everything u want... i'm not good looking... i'm not intelligent... i'm... i'm... just... normal... sometimes i give without expecting something in return... but a little gratitude and appreciation is not too much to ask right...? but i get... i get nothing...
oh well... maybe this is what they call destiny... maybe this is what i'm fated to become... maybe God had already planned for me to be part of this world like this, even when people tell me fate is in my own hands i still feel that i'm meant to be like this... i can't change it... no matter how hard i try... this is a fact... u can't expect everyone to be a CEO in a top company right...? then who is going to clean our roads...? maybe i'm just another forgettable on the street... i don't play a role of importance... whether i'm at a party or not, doesn't affect much...
so long 2007... but hello 2008...? honestly... i'm not looking forward to 2008... at least not 100%... why...? it's exam year... and it's the year people start to venture out... people take new routes in life... where do i go...? i don't know... will i ever be able to maintain all the friendships i made throughout my life...? only God knows... i will try no doubt... only if they other party does his/her part too... i can't be the only one fighting to keep it alive... i can't just be the fire that keeps the friendship burning... i can only hope and pray... my hopes and dreams (not all) were not achievable last year... and i don't think i'm any closer to it this year... what else can i say...? i leave it to fate...
