Friday, August 31, 2007
in this world filled wit lies n deceit, does bein honest pay off...? jus think about it... when was da last time u acted honestly, didnt ask or expect anythin in return but u did get somethin in return from someone...? if u cant find da ans, welcome to my world... in my world, all u get for bein honest is ntg... totally ntg... not even a simple thank u... yes... not even tht... surprised...? hah... u actually shouldnt be... u see... gratitude comes very rarely... this is becos ppl dont know tht jus a lil thank u can mean so much to others... everytime someone does somethin good, they expect somethin in return... most of da time somethin tht can be bought wit money... ppls minds r now very materialistic... its all bout da money, da money n ntg but da money... is money tht important...? yes, money is important but in this case should it...?
quite noticeably is durin birthdays... among my frens i notice this sort of trend... especially among da gurls... whenever there is a birthday among da gurls, da birthday gurl will recieve A LOT of presents... n i mean a lot... ok... i can see many ppl throwin rocks n rotten eggs at my hse now... i know its not wrong to give presents but think about it... even though u can afford to buy presents how come u dont give presents to ALL ur frens when its their birthday/s...? or even better... do u even REMEMBER their birthdays in da 1st place...?? oh... so u jus 'happen' to 4get those ppl la... n wat rotten excuse r u goin to give...? no money? no time? c'mon... be a lil reasonable la... see... thts da thing most ppl dont realise... its not about GIVIN presents... its about REMEMBERIN about it... ask urself another thing... when was da last ime u actually took a minute (not much... jus A MIN...) to msg/email/p-msg ur frens to ask them how they r doin...? would it be too much to do tht...? is it tht troublesome...? 1 MINUTE... 1 FREAKING MINUTE~!! IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK..? WOULD IT KILL U...? all we (yes... includin me...) alwis do is rmmbr da ppl around us... those who r not r eventually n unfortunately 4gotten... sad story...? i dont think so... look deep into ur heart... u dont hav to tell anyone... nor do u hav to be honest wit anyone... jus be honest to urself...
i admit... i myself hav done this... i hate to admit it... but its da truth... i cant hide from it nor can i run from it... a fire continues to burn becos we take da effort to keep it alive... to kill it or make it grow so big tht it will eventually hurt us is to jus 4get bout it... we can lose frens even faster compared to makin new ones... n frens we lose we cannot replace wit new ones... its better to treasure da frens we hav now than regret later on... we don realise wat we hav until we lose them...
Saturday, August 25, 2007
i hate my life... seriously... n literally... but not to da point where i will do stupid stuff... like wat a fren of mine said, 'Life is like a vacum... it sucks...' totally agree... many or i should say all of my frens/family don know this becos i don show my true feelings... i alwis keep it to myself... my crazy, alwis laughin behavior is like a mask... hidin all da pain, loneliness n ugly side of me... so much so tht rite now my patience is at its very limit... anythin can set me off... but as i see things... its not so bad after all... mainly becos i begin to be more straightforward... if i hav somethin to say i will say it whether u like it or not... if i think somethin is not to my likin n if its wrong i will say... it depends on how i will say it... if im reli pissed... then a lot of ugly words will come out... n i don care who u r... u can be da prime minister's son/daughter for all i care...
lately i've been observin a lot of stuff... some stuff i nvr expected... since then it made me wonder... (damn... maroon 5's makes me wonder is playin in my head -.-) after meetin wit some frens who r currently furtherin their studies in collage n other places... i noticed majority of them hav found someone... someone they like... but i was shocked to know tht some of them whom i nvr though would ACTUALLY get 1 did da totally opposite... they actually got 1... maybe its jus me... my past xperience made me long for tht feelin even more... though my past xperience wasnt somethin i would call beautiful i treasure it nonetheless... now i long for somethin i might nvr get for a very long time... longing for a hand to hold... a heart to love... someone to hug me when im cold... someone to laugh wit me when i laugh... fantasy? yes... fantasies would be nice... but now its reality... n it sucks... big time... especially for me...
Thursday, August 23, 2007
its weird how life is... things sometimes jus nvr seem to go our way no matter how hard we try to make it go our way... its depressin sometimes... knowin u hav to do things u nvr wan to do... be someone u reli don wan to be... though its nvr easy to do it but sometimes u jus hav to... i, for one, am becomin some what like a recluse... talkin to me seems to serve me very little purpose... its not tht i don like to talk but of da late, things n situations push me to make this move... when i try to give my opinion or ideas in a polite n nice way... ppl jus wont listen... but the saddest thing is sometimes ppl start to regret for not listenin... wat can i do?
even at home... i now hardly speak to my family members... talkin to them jus seem to end up in an argument or somethin like tht... i try to be patient but im losin it real fast... my mom thinks im good-for-nothing, my sis respects me as how she would respect a roadside dog n my dad, i don think i wan to mention bout it... rite now im usin a very different way... since i cant use a nice way to convey my msg... i hav no choice but to let my actions do the talkin... its definately somethin i don like doin... i talk onli when necessary...
unfortunately... i hardly talk to some, if not many of my frens... wat u all don know is... in da past i used to talk n keep contact wit most of my frens... but as time passes by... i began to realise tht im the one wastin all my effort doin tht... the 1 msging, smsing, instant msging is me... the rest r not bothered to even say a simple hi or hello... why should i be the 1 doin all this when other r not even bothered? is this the type of frens i need? wat i am doin now is lettin them make their decisions on wat they wan in a frenship... i've done my best... its about time they made their decision... i shall no longer interfere... im sick of it...
maybe some might think im a bastard to say this kinda things... but honestly... i don give a f*** on wat u think... i doesnt matter to me... its not goin to make me any more different than wat i am... i am who i am n ntg can change it... if u don like me thts ur prob... but be4 any of u make a criticism about me... y don u go look into the mirror 1st...
