my side of the story... wanna hear it?

2011-04-22T00:44:00.003+08:00

i don't know if i can take this anymore... its seriously taking a heavy toll on me... a small part of me tells me to hold on and don't give up, but a bigger part of me says to just stop cause its not worth it anymore... physically, i'm still capable of holding on... but my mind and soul may not be as strong as i think/want it to be... the cracks are getting bigger with time... hopefully, i don't break when the time comes...

2010-06-16T19:22:00.003+08:00

i need to rediscover myself... i want to find the happy me i lost some time ago... i don't know if i can continue like this anymore...

2010-04-07T18:51:00.004+08:00

solitude in silence... i will always suppress my inner most desires for i wish to be simple... sacrificing happiness for simplicity... the invincible tears of silence... i almost have no emotions left... for pain has taken them all away... looks like i only have myself to depend on now...

2010-02-19T00:15:00.003+08:00

humans are undoubtedly the most complex living organism that ever inhibited earth... we are not only complex in terms of physical, but also mental and emotions... have you ever noticed how we criticize others without ever looking at ourselves first...? how we say that person is this, that person is that when we are actually not very different from them...? sometimes it's better to just keep quiet than spitting out useless garbage... you see, as much as we love to criticize others for their flaws, we should always remember that we too have our flaws... we look at others and deem them inferior... it is actually a very bad to look down at others... it can't be helped since most of us fight to get to the top... but looking down on others just because they aren't as good as you is just plain wrong... sometimes, it is better if we evaluate OURSELVES first... as much as freedom of speech is concerned, it has its limits... so, don't just simply say something about someone just because you can... look at yourself first and ask yourself; am i really better than him/her...? if i am, what gives me the right to say so...? sometimes we look at other people and say they are lousy... but the matter of fact is, our own people ain't that great either... it is actually the mentality of people... i used to have this mentality... i, unfortunately, have to learn the hard way that all isn't as it seems... to say others are weaker and that we are better is baseless... we are equally as bad as them... sure, they under perform... they slack... but we aren't any better than them... just because our outcome is better than them doesn't mean a single damn thing... i put my hope and faith in my own believe just to get bloody disappointed... and yet, i still try to give it a chance... but in the end, i doesn't really matter... the outcome does not change... i still end up disappointed...

i have said it before... the simplest things are the hardest to achieve... we hope that we can depend on others... we give them our faith and trust... but in the end we are the ones that have to make our own dreams come true... sometimes all we want is a little help from others... a little push and encouragement... but what do we get in return...? disappointment... it goes without saying: "sometimes you just have to do everything on your own..." the world has evolved into such that people are no longer trustworthy, no longer dependable, no longer able to give you that little push you desperately need... even your closest friends and colleagues can disappoint in a blink of an eye... such a problem can never be solved... the only way to get it worked out is to kill (yes, i said KILL) all your emotions, put on that fake smile, and take that problem head on... sometimes its better to hurt yourself than let others hurt you... especially the people you care about... if a stranger hits you in the face, you only feel physical pain... if a love one hits you in the face, you feel physical and emotional pain... what more if a love one disappoints you... stabs you in the face AND in the heart, leave you to bleed to death... which is why it is better to hurt yourself now than get hurt by others later... no point being patient, sucking everything in and end up in a puddle of your own blood and tears... sometimes it is better to just do what you have to do... kill or be killed...

2010-02-18T00:15:00.002+08:00

yours truly is back...! =) anyways... i'm back for the chinese new year (cny) holidays... its been about a month and a half since i started semester 2 of my studies... so far i still can cope... nothing i can't handle... however, the transition of the holidays to my new semester wasn't that smooth as i hoped it would be... some expected and unexpected things happened... i still hoped that it wouldn't have turned out the way it did but it has already happened... so, the past is the past... however much i hated to do the things i do, but the key to my emotions and my heart is already locked and kept safely guarded... ok... enough of the ranting... updates... this year, i spent new year with my 'new' family... they are my friends and housemates in university... celebration was very very simple... two bottles of coke, some snacks and of course company... friends... although i would love to spend it with a loved one (ahem!) and family, but i had to make do with what i had... but it was still good enough... i don't have a loved one and family is a little far away... so, yea... studies was manageable... although, i would really like to say this: to my math lecturer, STOP GIVING SO MUCH WORK... we aren't just studying your subject... ==" so far i finished most of my tests... things aren't bad... but they aren't that good either... so, i'm trying to stop slacking so much and focus more on my studies...

cny this year is not that much different from the previous years... the only unique thing is that this year, cny coincides with valentines day... but, it ain't that special anyways... every year, i spend or should i say don't spend valentines day... being single all this while, i don't really think valentines day as something special anymore... i'm so used to spending it alone, valentines day is just another day in the year... but to make things clear, cny will own valentines day any time... period... we are a race that is steeped in tradition... as much as we would love to take our better half for a nice, romantic dinner, i still think we would consider family over our better half... so, no romantic dinners for me... maybe in, i don't know, 50 years...? yea... that sounds more right...

i'm not really a strong believer in astrology, horoscope reading and feng shui... but lately, crazy and really unexpected things have been happening... they ain't good things mind you... after watching a couple of feng shui programmes on tv, i'm a bit convinced... to those born in the year of the snake (that would be me ==), the beginning of the year would be a pretty bad one... generally, doesn't really matter if it's financial, health and even love, things aren't good for us... i do remember one of the feng shui masters saying that love will improve in the second half of the year... well, i sure do hope so... ==

anyways, i will be leaving this coming sunday... classes are going to resume next week... yea, it's pretty crappy when you only get 1 week of holidays while others get 2 weeks for their new year... never mind if you don't get what i just said... but at least it's better than none... so, new updates will be out once my semester is over... i won't be updating so soon as i normally like to update when i'm alone in my room... more privacy... besides, i don't need to update so often since no one actually reads my blog anyways... so why bother... ^^ see ya soon...

2009-12-02T01:51:00.000+08:00

it has been a loooooooonnnnnnggggggg time since last updated... i'm so sorry for not updating since i left for uni... i know i know... i could have taken the initiative to update since it's such a simple thing to do... i must admit though, i'm a lazy ass... so updating my blog isn't exactly on the top of my daily to-do list... since very little or almost no one reads my blog, i don't really bother about it... anyways, first semester of uni is over... sem break now...! yay...! my take on it...? reasonably okay... life there is pretty managable... sure, it ain't fancy like some high class foreign uni with almost any facility you want... sure, it doesn't have a swimming pool or a high-tech computer lab... but the very least, i'm pay way, way, way, way lesser for my course... it's a local uni i'm going to... i think it pretty much self-explanatory... met some great and wonderful people there... though i must mention this... it's pretty much my downside... main language spoken by the chinese there is mandarin... and most of you know by now, mandarin ain't exactly a language i'm good at... i can speak a little, just sufficient to get the meaning across... not a major problem... there is however, a problem... and i doubt this problem can be solved... having rotten people as your groupmate... gosh, i can literally strangle them... but that has already passed... on the brightside of that though, it has made me a little wiser and mature... food-wise, i have to say, if you can't stand food that is spicy, oily and mostly REPETITIVE food, you are going to have a problem... the key to surviving below average cafeteria food; VARIETY... sure, some days you can just skip a meal (or two), but you can't survive on instant noodles, biscuits and bread for an entire month... you would almost literally go insane... for me, variety is the way to go... for example, i have rice for lunch and maybe noodles or roti canai for dinner... for my so called 'pantry', i have milo, cappuccino, cadbury hot choco, horlicks AND chinese tea... i also have at least THREE different types of instant noodles... sounds a lot, but it helps me get through the really crappy times... i go for lectures using 'leg power'... first month (if i'm not mistaken) i would walk to my lecture halls and classes... takes about 15 minutes if i speed up my pace, 20 - 25 if i do it casually... but now, i still rely on 'leg power' to get to lectures on time; a bicycle...! yea, it's much faster than walking... though, kinda sucks when it rains... laundry and house keeping is not a very burdening task... sure, it's always nice to have someone to do those things for you, but it ain't always the case... my advise, don't push back on laundry... it can kill you, expecially if your handwashing your laundry... do laundry everyday or if your lazy, three days once... house keeping is totally up to you... if you think you can stand living, eating, sleeping and studying in a garbage bin, by all means go ahead... study wise, it isn't very difficult if you constantly study, finish and up all your assignments on time... and of course, GO FOR LECTURES... have a question...? don't be afraid to ask your lecturer... worst case is he/she will ask you to find out the answer yourself... but do not fret; when in doubt, GOOGLE... no kidding... google will be your best friend when doing assignments... my final advise, as a human, we all have our downsides... so please leave them behind and just be nice to others because you will be sharing your life with others in uni... it's a very important transition period... from teenagers to adults... of course, old habits die hard, but there is no harm in trying to burn them alive right...? do onto others what you want others to do onto you... that's something i believe in... it's not easy sharing your life with others as it is difficult for them to fully accept you no matter how close you may be with them... they say, "you don't trully know a person until you have lived with him/her"... why do you think the divorce rate never drops...? it's as simple as that... ah, yes... before i forget... do remember to treat yourself once in a while... it really helps when times get really rough especially if you get homesick easily... a cold can of coke on a really hot day or maybe just better food can really do miracles... that's all from me for now... i don't know whether i'll be updating often during my sem break... kinda lazy now... haha...

2009-06-28T00:18:00.003+08:00

i'm going to pahang in a few hours time... i'm leaving klang at about 7 am... yeah... i'm feeling emo and like shit right now... it's hard for me to leave behind so many things i have grown fond of... my home, my family, my friends, the plain good ol' home cooked food and most of all the simplicity of life itself... now, with so much to shoulder, i find myself not being able to face them with courage... i feel so... wussy... why i'm feeling like this is something i don't really know... i guess it's part of my personality... *sighs* it's not the same when i left for NS... i kept telling myself it's not that different from that time during NS... but another part of me says otherwise and that things are going to be rough... that's life i guess... just another rite of passage most students must go through... i'm praying hard that i will be able to find the strength inside of me to face the challenges up ahead... fingers crossed, i hope i get to find Juliet there... ok la... i know studies first... i will focus on my studies... i'm just hoping... that's all... if fate has it then good... if not, then oh well... before i end my post, i would like to say goodbye to all my friends and thanks for the moral support... i'm going to miss all of you, family and friends alike... time for me to leave the path of teenagers and tread the path of adults... with that said... goodbye all... i'll be back in due time... in the meantime, please do take care of yourself/selves...

p.s.: to all my friends who are going to leave/have left, i wish you all the best and please do take care of yourself... we'll meet once we have the time... until then... sayonara minna...

2009-06-26T01:49:00.000+08:00

i managed to watch Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen today... so what do i think of it...? ok... here's my take on it... if you liked/loved the first Transformers movie, you're going to love this TEN times more... that is how good this move is... sure, it ain't the perfect movie, but it was still one heck of a ride... my rating: 11/10... go watch it and watch it NOW... and yes, if you're reading this Ms. Sot-Because-of-Swine-Flu i'm asking you to go watch it... like now... no waiting... if not, i'll smack you with yellow pages... =P

2009-06-23T22:49:00.000+08:00

ah... sorry for not updating my blog for over 2 months... nothing new was happening since the last 2 months until now... i spent most of my time slacking and lazing around... but things has taken a very drastic turn... as most of you are informed, i'm going off to Pahang to further my studies... i was offered a place in University Malaysia Pahang to do a chemical engineering course... the course is 4 years long... so yeah... i'll be gone for 4 years... but i'll be back whenever there are holidays... it seems very sudden to me... i still find it very hard to accept the fact that i'm leaving in such a short time... the university application results were out merely a week ago and i already have to pack and leave this sunday... i guess i'm unable to accept such sudden changes so quickly... maybe i ain't as strong as many people precieve me to be... i guess i'm still immature and afraid of changes... anyhow, i still have to go whether i like it or not... my future depends on it... i hope i get to be strong and face all upcoming challenges headstrong... so i'd like to thank everyone who have given me their blessings, support and encouragement... friends and family, i will miss you all very much... i'll miss my home very much... i'll miss the simplicity of life at home and the company i get... but more importantly, i have to focus and concentrate on my studies and achieve the very best i can... no sacrifice, no victory... i'm still contactable on my handphone... but i won't be online for the first month because i won't be bringing my laptop with me... anyways, i hope i have said all my goodbyes... i know i will miss you all... so very much...

2009-06-22T23:16:00.000+08:00

i'm scared and afraid... i have flaws... i can no longer hide my fears... yes, i admit i'm scared... i'm not strong, i'm losing faith, i'm groing tired, i'm can't see the light behind the darkness, i can't see the truth behind truth itself... why...? because i'm nothing but human... i'm imperfect... that what makes me, me...

2009-04-01T23:41:00.002+08:00

update update update... i know my blog's been collecting cyber dust and is in much needed cleaning or update... truth be told, i'm NOT busy... i do have abundance of time to update my cyber dust covered blog... just that, i didn't have the 'feel' or mood to put it simply to update it... it's about 3 weeks since my results were out... i'm not that sad and depressed over it anymore... i know i pale in comparison with other people including my own kin... i know i disappointed many people inculding myself, but i now must look forward to the future... i did not have much encouraging support... the normal "you did okay", "okay what..." support were aplenty and i thank those who gave me those words... there are those of course who didn't even bothered... no names shall be mentioned... i don't really care about those people now... those who stood behind me and gave me the support i needed, i thank you very much...

university application has already been submitted... i can only hope and pray that i get into a good university and of course into the course that i want which is chemical engineering... i don't know much about chemical engineering, but i do hope i can learn to love it and do well... a good university is very relative... what is good to me may not be good to others... but looking at the current state of our local universities, one cannot put their hopes in the clouds... the standards are dropping... i know most people get what i'm trying to say... anyways, i hope for the best... not being at the top does not mean i'm at the bottom...

lack of communication is killng me... urgh... it's crazy i tell you... i'm soo dying to get out and have some fun... i'm stuck at home for more than 3 months now... no, i'm not interested in a job... the prospect of waking up every morning and going to a place where it's boring and monotonous is simply not appealing to me... not to mention the language barrier i'm facing... so what if i'm a banana... bite me... i don't give shyt of what you think of me... damn, i can't remember the feeling of sitting in the cinema and enjoying a movie... i miss the feeling of the good times with my friends from all over... those from klang and those from other cities... i miss the feeling of chatting on MSN till 2 or 3 in the morning... everybody's so busy with their lives nowadays... studies, cleaning their rooms, cooking and the likes... the hardest is to catch up with those studying in a foreign country... heck, it's even hard to catch up with those studying locally... damn... i miss the good ol' days... okay... i know i sound desperate for company... but wouldn't you if you were in my shoes...? if i had to blame something i would blame myself... i do not have the most friendly personality... i'm not the most outspoken person in the room... i'm shy around people... especialy girls... even more if they are pretty... i'm not the center of attraction and obviously not the life of a party... yes, to sum it all up... i'm what you call a BORING person...

boring person aside, i just begin to realize how much i hate certain people... no, don't get me wrong... i don't hate my friends... i hate how some people are just so blatantly oblivious to the most simple things like being polite... typical chinese mentality... and i'm refering to the really really chinese type of people... those who can't even string simple english sentences together and the only words they know is vulgarities in hokkien... yes, i am trashing these people on my blog... what i hate most about them is the fact they are NOT grateful and very arrogant... they proudly say "i AM better than you" with no shame whatsoever... so what if you are better than others... does that give you the right to be arrogant and belittle others...? and when overthrown, all they can say is "fuck you", or "you got lucky"... the ugly malaysian indeed... i'm so ashamed to be associated with them... my words for them: "speak up asshole; your voice got all muffled from your head being so far up your ass..." i hope you jerks understand one very simple thing... i classify you as the only people who are smart enough to possess an IQ equivalent to a potato chip...

that said and done... i'll try to update as often as possible which i know won't be very often... yes, yes... i know... i'm a lazy asshole... whatever... i'm outta 'ere...

p.s: i'm still loking for juliet... hahahahahahahaha... *laugh echoes*

2009-03-15T23:52:00.003+08:00

alright... time to get some stuff straight... first up, my results... ok... most people would have known about my results by now; either from me or from someone else... or forcing someone else to tell them... anyways, to be very, very clear, i did NOT do well... so, for the love of GOD, please stop telling me, "you did okay what..." or "not bad what..." i understand that all of you are just being nice and do what normal people would normally do... but the fact is, what you think is good, is in fact not good in terms of the standard... ok... so my results may not seem bad if compared to others, but it's bad to the fact that i'm having problems with my university application... and to those who think i'm smart, i'm sorry to burst your little bubble... but i'm NOT smart... smart defines people who do NOT need to study AND still get great results... i do NOT fall into that category...

next up, i know i have been very quiet lately... okay... not lately... i'm quiet all along... oh sure, i'm fun, crazy when you people see me in school, public places, gatherings, etc... i hardly speak more than 5 lines a day... i've never been close to my family members and i'd prefer it to stay that way... why...? simply because they do not understand me... most of you may argue the fact that parents know their children best... i beg to differ... sure la... they know what you like to eat, your favourite songs, etc... but do they know you on a deeper level...? such as, when you keep staring at a wall, listening to the same song over and over again, what is going through your mind and what are you feeling... apparently not... it makes things much more difficult for me simply because i do not like to voice my thoughts anymore... quite sick of it... when you say a little too much, you get it... when you say too little, you still get it... so why talk...? hence, i have decided to talk only when it is needed... parents done... siblings... hmm... i have only one thing to say; if you have a sibling you can talk to or very close to, you are one LUCKY *censored*... to those who have only yourself to depend on, welcome to the loners club... to the single child, go adopt a pet...

post results have left me a little depressed... i worked hard for it... some part of me feels i should have gotten better results and some parts of me feels that i'm lucky to have gotten this as things could have been worse... much worse... and i'd like to quote a friend of mine, "some of us just have to live in the shadows of other forever..." what is meant is some of us can never beat our more successful counterparts no matter how hard we try... and most of the time, it's our siblings... i, in fact, totally agree... it kinda sucks when you think about it... but it all boils down to how you think...

having said all that, i have some decision making to do... i hate making big decisions... i fucking hate them... but they have to be made nontheless... i just hope my fucking mind is clear enough to make the right decisions...

2009-03-09T21:42:00.002+08:00

ah... the time has come once again... butterflies in the tummy are now back to put me in an insomniac state... yes, sleep wasn't pleasant the past few days... it was downright horrible... i am trying to be optimistic... but why is the fear more intense this time around...? simple... i know very well that i actually fought and gave my very best... and i'm afraid of the consequences of failing this time... i actually care right now... alright, time to pull myself together... i hope for the best for not only myself but also to all the warriors who fought the same dreaded war... may God bless us and give us strength to endure the worst... and the clock ticks...

2009-02-11T22:58:00.002+08:00

oh, Juliet...
the sun does not shine anymore,
stormy seas crash the shore,
my heart is sore,
my faith in love is no more,
for i still believe love is pure,
but without you,
i can't take it no more,
finding you,
is like walking on hot coal,
spare me the suffering,
let the wind carry you home,
fly your way to me,
all i have left,
is you...

Juliet, oh, Juliet,
where art thou Juliet,
where art thou...

2009-01-20T23:13:00.005+08:00

ahhh... sex legend... people like charlie sheen (actor) and jack nicholson (also an actor) has slept with many women... and i mean a lot... not tens, not hundreds but THOUSANDS...!! amazing stuff... but i too hav a sex legend title... serious... you don't believe me...? i am a sex legend... maybe not famous though... but i have the title... serious... still don't believe me...? here:

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for only RM69.99 (i think...), you can be a sex legend too...!!

p.s: i didn't actually buy that... saw it in a shop in 1 utama and took a picture... =)

2009-01-13T22:21:00.002+08:00

i was blog-hopping quite frequently in the past few days... and then i began to wonder... what was my purpose i started blogging... was it the trend at that moment...? or was it something else...? something deeper...? when i browse through my friends' blogs, i read about what goes on in their lives... the good, the bad and life's up's and down's in general... i know most people enjoy telling others how much fun life can be and their relations, but it's these events that lead me to question my life... reading popular blogs like Kenny Sia's one really makes me feel like i miss much in life... travelling, eating good food, etc... when i look at my life, there is much to be desired... but then again, i'm still young... which leaves me still burdened by questions... anyhow, there is much to be done, many decisions to be made... things i should and should not do... i just hope when the time comes, correct decisions are made... until then, i need to do some answering to some really tough questions...

p.s.: soul-searching will be the only thing Google can never find...

2009-01-13T21:55:00.002+08:00

2009... so far, not much has happened... well, it's been about 2 weeks... i'm kinda lost right... not literally... but more of not knowing my next step... many of my friends have already started working... i'm still not sure whether i want to work... it's a 50-50 thing... okay okay... i admit i'm kinda lazy... but i sit at home with nothing to do... so working might be a good option... MUET results will be out this coming thursday... frankly, i don't think i can get the same or better result than the previous test i took... the new format is much more difficult than the previous format...

anyways, that aside, chinese new year is coming... hmm... i don't feel excited at all... not a hint of it... as strange as it may sound, i don't feel i can get into the cny mood... just not this year... something is just not right for me this year... economy's bad, war happening again... seems like a very bad welcoming for 2009... changes perhaps, is what i fear most... honestly speaking, i rather be in school once again... i kinda miss school life... i envy those who are still schooling... growing older kinda sucks right now... its like responsibilities grow proportionately with age... i feel i'm about to take on more responsibilities in the coming months... i so wish i was in form 4 again... those were the best times of my life... lesser responsibilities back then... life wasn't exactly a bed of roses but it was close to that... but now, i feel like i'm about to lie on a bed of cactus, with sharpened steel nails as their spines... i do not doubt my ability to handle my future responsibilities, its how well i handle them that i doubt... how much pressure and stress i can sustain before i break... will i be like glass; brittle and very breakable, or will i be like a steel spring; able to hold more than expected...? that is the question that remains unanswered... for now at least... all in all, i'm hoping for the best... and i really miss school...!!

2009-01-04T23:43:00.002+08:00

it's 4 days past 2009... i know i should at least post a happy new post but i somehow just didn't want to... i have no idea why... maybe it's the fact i'm not so looking forward to this year... there are many changes coming this year... maybe i'm just not ready to face them... not just yet... i couldn't sleep last night... many things were running through my mind... what happened in the past, what i should do in the present and what awaits me in the future... as i reflect back on the past year, i realise there were many good, bad and the downright ugly things that happened to me, my family, my friends and the people around me; decisions and actions that i made that were good and there are those i made without think and evaluating maturely... i feel that what i have done in the past has made me grow up a little more; making me realise how some decisions can make such a difference no matter how big or small that decision is... i believe most things happen for a reason despite it being bad... maybe it's a sign for us to be careful, think maturely, be more attentive to our surroundings...

as i look back even more, i feel blessed to have met the people i have met... each one of you made an impact in my life; whether it being good or otherwise... but time has brought me to a point where i have to take a different route... the route to my future... honestly speaking, i would rather have it if some things never change... well, of course most people will tell me to "look on the bright side"... i would if only the bright side was bright enough for me to see... i never considered myself to be a person to have many friends... knowing someone doesn't make him/her your friend... a friend is a person whom you can connect with, feel comfortable around, being able to be your true self without having to fake a single feeling, being able to talk about just anything without feeling any discomfort... real friends make your true self reveal itself... whether you agree on this matter is solely up to you...

there are of course the normal questions people ask when they meet up with me after not meeting up for a long time... questions such as "what is your future study plan?", "what are u doing currently?" and of course the dreaded question "got girlfriend already?" why do i say dreaded question...? sure... it's nice being single... but it's equally nice to be attached also... that lovey-dovey feeling, holding hands, getting and showing PDA... those of you who are/has been in a relationship should get what i'm trying to say... i know i may sound like a desperate person but in fact i'm not... if i was, i would be dating random girls... but do i wish to be attached...? yes... i don't see why not... maybe the timing might not be perfect but nothing is perfect anyways... no, this is not advert for me seeking companionship... i'm not THAT desperate...

so, what's the main purpose of this post...? i just need to let out how i feel... that's all... i'm not the type of guy who can just tell random people how i feel just to get simpathy and more aquintances... i don't have, what i call it, the balls to carry out such a task... call me whatever names you want... i don't care... i'm just being who i am... i may not be every girl's dream guy, nor am i the perfect friend... i'm only human with abundance of flaws...

anyways, happy 2009 to everyone i know out there, near or far, high or low... may the new year be a blessed one for you... i hope the same for me too...

2008-12-10T19:42:00.001+08:00

bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored

yes, i'm freaking bored... isn't it obvious...??!!

2008-12-04T21:09:00.000+08:00

Emperor Meiji : Tell me how he died.
Nathan Algren : I will tell you how he lived.
__________________________________________________________________

Katsumoto : You believe a man can change his destiny?
Nathan Algren : I think a man does what he can, until his destiny is revealed.
__________________________________________________________________

Quoted from The Last Samurai

2008-11-04T21:50:00.002+08:00

and so the countdown begins...

in 14 days time, the war will begin... seriously, i'm not too sure i'll be able to get good results... but i'm not going to give up yet... in exactly 1 month time, will be the last paper for me... things are turning rough... lack of sleep, sheer exhaustion, time constrains and lack of entertainment.. really... i'm quarantined my sony ericsson k51oi camera phone with 2.0 megapixel camera, 1 gb memory card and a whole load of other interesting features... please visi- *smacks own head* *cough* sorry... i'm using my old nokia phone again... just got it after sending it for repair... still have some problems though... but what the hell la... jus live with it until exam over... besides that, currently whacking chinese tea like nobody's business... it works better than coffee!! it fcuking does... just brew a nice hot pot and leave it to slowly brew till it turn concentrated... works man... no joke... weather's been a little naughty lately... bloody fcuking hot... can't properly study... but now its raining a little... so can study properly again...

i'm actually quite amazed at how well i can maintain my stress level... so far haven't blow my top yet, haven't screamed at some fcuking moron, etc. ok... i admit... got la a little bit stress... books, tuition, more books, revision, more books... you get the drill... luckily, i took my MUET test so no need to worry about it...

life's a bitch eh? yea... right now it is la... have to sacrifice so much including my personal life... faham- faham la... 5 weeks... i know you are waiting for me... i'm praying for a yes from you... *prays*

Checklist:
1) Stationary. Check
2) Timetable. Check
3) Sacrifices. Check
4) Determination. Check
5) Perserverence. Check
6) Fighting spirit. Check
7) Moral support. Check
8) Nutritious food. Check
9) Confidence. Semi-checked (lack confidence in some subjects)

all there's left is time and how i will use it... 10% luck, 20% skill, 50% concentrated power of will, 5% pleasure, 15% pain and 100% reason to remember this day... thanks for the moral support from my friends anfd family... to those who PRETEND to even care, same to you k? thanks to those who believed in me, 'cos it's time for me to believe in myself... it's now between me, the papers and God...

like a defenceless and bladeless soldier in battle; nothing to gain, all to lose... sacrifices too great to compare, fighting for the unknown future... but as hope seemed lost forever, a tiny prick of light, a glimmer of hope rises from the ashes...

2008-09-17T19:48:00.004+08:00

yh feels:

- moody
- EMO (yea, i'm EMO... any problems...?!)
- frustrated
- depressed
- easily irritated
- hurt
- like sh*t
- like smacking someone
- like giving up on studies
- like crap
- it's better to just shut his own mouth
- why should he care so much
- why he was born with a conscience

that pretty much sums up how i've been feeling lately... yea, that's right... i shouldn't be here... my trials are still going on... but wtf... i don't care... life's a bit*h... i just have to somehow deal with it... anyways... i'd like to sum it up in a song... i have been listening to it very much lately... absolutely love the melody, the vocals and of course the LYRICS...

"Say Goodbye"

Things are changing
It seems strange and
I need to figure this out
You've got your life
I got mine
But you're all I cared about
Yesterday we were laughing
Today I'm left here asking
Where has all the time gone now
I'm left alone somehow
Growing up and getting older
I don't want to believe it's over

[Chorus:]
Don't say goodbye
Cause I don't wanna here those words tonight
Cause maybe it's not the end for you and I
And although we knew
This time would come for me and you
Don't say anything tonight
If you're gonna say goodbye

Do you remember
In December
How we swore we'd never change
Even though you're leaving
Our feelings
Would always stay the same
I wish we could be laughing
Instead I'm standing here asking
Do we have to end this now
Can we make it last somehow
We both know what we've gotta say, not today
Cause I don't wanna leave this way

[Repeat Chorus]

[Bridge:]
And if it's over
It hurts but I'm giving you my word
I hope that you're always
Happy like we were
Happy like we were

[Repeat Chorus]

[Altro:]
Yesterday we were laughing (if you're gonna say goodbye)
Today I'm left here asking (if you're gonna say goodbye)
And although we knew this time would come for me and you
Don't say anything tonight
If you're gonna say goodbye

2008-08-25T21:14:00.003+08:00

ok people... i know it's high time my blog needs an update but i'm really finding it difficult to update because i can't find things to update with and i barely have the time to really sit down and properly update... so, i'm very sorry for the lack of updates... this looks like my last post for the time being... until STPM is over, i guess i won't be coming online as often; maybe stop going online altogether... just a small sacrifice i need to make for just less than 3 months... ok then... better get back to work...

2008-07-14T21:31:00.012+08:00

referring to the previous post, i said i will elaborate on why i'm so, so, so,so elated... hehehe... ok... first up...

trip to

on the 1st of july, a selected group of form sixes (which includes me) were on a trip to the malaysian parliament... this trip is meant for the form sixes only as we learn about parliament and its components in general studies or better known as pengajian am... left school at around 12... reached at around 1-something...

we reached there kinda early as the proceedings only start at 2.30 p.m.... so, we are allowed to walk around the parliament areas... so, i'll just let the pictures speak for themselves ok...?

it's a HUGE cannon... i just couldn't resist... LOL...

i like this picture... the petronas twin towers and the K.L tower is visible on the horizon... except for the semi-finished constructed building... i feel like its unsuitable...

while i was walking around, me n my friends stumbled upon a sporty, shiny object... my friend went nuts over it... he is totally into this kind of stuff... he spotted a sports BMW... quite nice i must say.. although i'm not really into cars, but i know a nice car when i see one... the price tag on the other hand... i'll just have to work for a lifetime before i can own one of this babies... sigh...

my aunt is so going to be jealous over this...

alright... after we were done with our sight-seeing, we were (finally!) allowed in... man, i tell you, the security checks are numerous... not a single form of electronic media that is capable of recording/capturing is allowed in... even the press are not allowed to bring cameras into the hall... then, we have to empty our pockets AND walk through a metal detector AND go through a body search... with all these security measures, it makes me wonder; is it really THAT necessary to have all these security measures since we are entering a place what some people dub 'the pasar malam'...? anyways... the first 15-20 minutes were a little boring (as predicted) because the topic being presented is the ninth malaysian plan... but then... things started to heat up when one of the MP's started to present on this particular topic... i do not want to mention what it is or what i think about it...with the way the political state is at this moment, i better keep my opinions to myself or risk waking up with a lawsuit throw in my face for defamation... the newspapers has covered it already (dated 2nd of july)... so you guys can go read about it n decide for yourselves and make your own conclusions...

the trip to the parliament was a real eye-opener... it made me realize the things that i have never known until now... good or not, i let you decide...

-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-

moving on... the next thing i was (and still am) so happy is about an event that happened 2 days after the parliament trip (dated 3rd of july)... this event was inconjunction with the science and maths week... it was the science fair... so, us form sixes were requested to conduct an experiment per class to be presented at the fair... so the two biology classes and the two physics classes had to come up with an experiment... after much thought, i decided to construct a simple metal detector... why me...? because my classmates have absolutely no clue what to do... so i took over... but this idea didn't materialize because me and my physics teacher were unable to find one NPN transistor... one freaking transistor...! crap betul... so both the physics classes collaborated as my friend decided to construct a burning laser... it was a good idea but a lot of knowledge on the laser diode is needed to actually make it work... turns out that experiment didn't work either as my friend blew the diode on the day of the fair...

good thing was, me and my other friend wanted to do an experiment on chemistry instead of physics... so we proposed to my chemistry teacher and she gave the green light... my idea was to make a sparkler... you know, the little sticks we burn on one end that sparks many different colours... the one little kids play during festivals... so, after numerous trails and failures, not to mention being BLINDED by a magnesuim FLARE; we finally produced this:

that was our first successful product... we were quite happy... so, we left the ingredients in the lab as we would only need it on the day of the fair... turns out, we didn't make enough to be shown the entire day... so we made more... but, it didn't turn out the way it did with our first successful product...

as the video shows, it didn't burn or spark so well as our first product... so, we cracked our heads to find the 'perfect' compositions of the chemicals... more trails and failures again, we finally produced something that was finally deemed worth of a show...

besides that, we were feeling a little ambitious and inquisitive... so, we changed to composition of the chemicals and we got a flare... not a sparkler but a flare... the flare burns with a bright light that is capable of blinding people for a short period of time depending on how strong the flare is... the same concept is used in flashbangs... so here was the end result of our experiment...

i was very happy with the outcome of the experiment... originated from an idea, expanded to become a small dream come true... i'm happy that everything turned out so well... heck, even the form six biology teacher ta pau home 10 sticks... why...? quoted from her, "i want to take home for my kids... i'm sure they will like it... two for each of them..." maybe i should open a pyrotechnics factory... =P i even saved 2 sticks for myself and for my chemistry teacher... she too was happy... a treat for her kids as well... as for me, i'm just happy everyone is pleased...

2008-07-02T21:33:00.002+08:00

i'm so, so, so, so, so, so, elated...! i'm so damn freaking happy...!! it worked...!! it freaking worked...! after spending so much time on it, after so many failed tries, finally, i can finally say... I DID IT...!!! ah~ the feeling is soooooooo good... i will elaborate more in my next post... i just can't take it... i had to just post how happy i feel right now...

i bet some of you are think of another meaning behind my happiness... hehehe... whether it's true or not, you will find out when the time is right... =)

2008-06-20T19:07:00.002+08:00

short update... past few days and the weeks after the holidays up till now have been nothing but problematic... although the lower form 6 orientation was fun, but problems seem to crop up regardless whether the committee has done a good job or otherwise... it seems that someone has been the main cause of the problem because he/she is not included in the program... let me clarify something here;

you are not included because:
1) you were NOT selected as the organizing committee member
2) you are NOT the A.J.K for the society
3) you are a pain in the arse because of your busybody-ness

so, it is evident that you are NOT welcomed to join the program whether you like it or not... we, the A.J.Ks did not take any action to evict you because we find it pointless to start an argument with a rotten egg like you...

since orientation is over, two problems have cropped up for me... one professionally as a prefect and one of a more personal interest... i would not like to comment on the professional side of the problem as this is an open blog... even thought i get close to no readers, i do not want to take a risk... heck, i might wake up one day with a lawsuit thrown at my face for defamation... all i want to say about it is that, the Board is working to make the new Board a better one... changes are inevitable... moving on, on the personal side, i found out i really suck in this department... what i truly mean, you try to figure it out yourself okay...? branching out, i cannot convey my messages to people with personal interest with clarity... therefore, people get what i'm trying to say all wrong... but nonetheless, the is a small silver lining behind this cloud of problem... teenage infatuation is a very tricky and complicated matter... one even the most experienced people will have trouble dealing with... me, being in the middle of it, gosh... it's terrible... but, i'm willing to take this as a lesson... will there be casualties...? of course... but i too hope they take it as life-enlightening lesson...

touching on teenage infatuation, i, myself am experiencing it... *blushes* i do not want to elaborate about it... shy larh... *sheepish smile*

-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-

realization has kicked in... things are coming to an end for me... that is the one thing i hate about schooling life... schooling life is great for me because of the people i study and work with whether in a society or a body... the experience has left its mark in me... the people, the smiles, the laughters, the good times, the bad times, the most horrible of times, the tears, the anger, everything... we all go through it... but we go through it together... it has made it a bittersweet memory... i will never, ever forget my schooling life... doesn't matter whether i'm in La Salle or STAR, the experience will never be erased from me ever... although my present school is not to my liking because of the 'powerful' people and those in-charge, but i don't give two shyts about them... all i care about are my friends... and studies of course... thank you very much for making life so pleasurable... no words can describe my feelings right now... thank you from the bottom of my heart...

i type this with pure sincerity... my heart's a little sombre now... *Nickelback - Photograph playing on repeat in my playlist*

Every memory of looking out the back door,
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor,
It's hard to say it, time to say it,
Goodbye, goodbye.
Every memory of walking out the front door,
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for,
It's hard to say it, time to say it,
Goodbye, goodbye.

I miss that town,
I miss the faces,
You can't erase,
You can't replace it,
I miss it now,
I can't believe it,
So hard to stay,
Too hard to leave it.

If I could relive those days,
I know the one thing I would never change.

Every memory of looking out the back door,
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor,
It's hard to say it, time to say it,
Goodbye, goodbye.
Every memory of walking out the front door,
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for,
It's hard to say it, time to say it,
Goodbye, goodbye.

2008-06-07T23:13:00.003+08:00

holidays are going to end very soon... it's amazing how time flies... it feels like yesterday i was celebrating the end of my mid term examinations, but in less than 48 hours i'll be going back to school... i have come to realize that thing will be different once the holidays end... the main fact being i have no more time to waste and must start giving all that i have for the upcoming STPM examination... honestly, i'm not confident in doing well... seriously... pressure is extremely high on me as my mom (specifically my mom) really wants me to do well... but i have zero confidence in acing this examination... this isn't like SPM... it's a whole new ball game... me being the less hardworking one among the children in my family, i'm constantly being nagged to go study... but i do not blame anyone for the nagging beside myself for being lazy... anyways, it seem i might have to take drastic measures to make sure i study real hard... the main one is to remove all possible distractions... in other words, no more watching television (bye bye CSI and NCIS), no more going online (bye bye MSN, Facebook, and my dear blog which has no readers) and last but not least, switching off BOTH my phones... i don't even plan to reload once october reaches... like it or not, it seems to be the only way to go... self confinement and seclusion... quarantine you might call it... just me, books, notes and a whole load of coffee... not your RM 10+ coffee from starbucks... but plain ol' nescafe... just to keep me running through the nights and whenever i feel like dropping dead... just (approximately) 5 months, i have to go all out... as what my maths tuition teacher said: "i don't care what your marks are now and before... just got all out in this 5 months and you will get your A..."

effort, determination and the will to succeed are the utmost important factors now... having wasted nearly my entire holidays lazing around doing practically nothing, this 5 months is critical... do i believe in myself? no... but others do... and i do not want to disappoint them... i know even if they never said it to me before... hopes of many rest on me... the biggest from my family... having reached to point of no return, a small part of me wants to fight and reclaim victory... i have come too far and too long to just give up... that part of me is screaming that at me... that same small part is also confident i can make it through... the biggest hurdle is not the examination itself, but more of overcoming my very own shortcomings... having to battle myself, pitting the very sole of my being against itself is going to take a lot... much more than i can ever imagine... but am i will to go for it...? a faint 'yes' i can say... but i'm sure, as time goes by, i will somehow find the strength to battle my own shortcomings... there will be casualties no doubt, but i will try to minimize the number of casualties... casualties being people getting the 'stressed out, pissed off, lack of sleep and basically on the verge of breaking' side of me... it's bound to happen without any doubt... but 5 months... just 5 months... *exhales* it's now or never...

the dawn of the epic war is approaching... the sounds of metal against metal blows along with the cold early morning wind... man at war with themselves, blood spilled on the very lands that could feed and be developed into more promising habitats... but... brush aside the casualties and the aftermath of war... there... lays silently... a tiny prick of light... hope... hope of a better future... this is no ordinary war... this is the war for a better future... sacrifices are needed... but this time... this sacrifice.... it's going to be worth every drop blood spilled...

2008-06-02T20:47:00.009+08:00

bah... i've been pissy lately... so much so i have reduced my talk time to just a couple of words... but i'm just pissed with my family... particularly my dad and sis... but i won't divulge further... pointless to even talk about it... anyway, my thesaurus at home is reduced to "urh..." (sign of agreement), "whatever la..." (sign i don't care or ignoring), "YEA..." (in a loud tone; said after i repeated myself a few times and pissed off already), and a few more barely audible words... but no worries, i'm still me who is still crazy as usual... i'm just a little off-key...

-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-

i just changed the song on my blog... kinda wanted to change the feel... IMHO... this (new) song is full of emotion... just because it's instrumental doesn't mean the composer/artist can't play an emotional song... in fact, i beg to differ... i find this song very *insert proper word*... most of you (probably) won't even like this song... it's of a very different genre... i suggest, take a listen to it and come up with your own deduction (damn, i hate the word 'deduction' ever since i learn form 6 maths)... even though i changed the song, i still like the old one... Ungu's Cinta Dalam Hati is beautiful... the lyrics is captivating... i will explain more about it later... till then, see ya...

2008-05-27T22:22:00.006+08:00

ah... i was going through my folder of pictures i took with my *ahem*new*ahem* phone... looking through the pictures i saw a few pictures i took the other day when my house had an electrical problem... so here's the story... one day (i can't remember when this happened), after dinner all was going well until suddenly blackout... but it was only my house that blacked out... so i figured that the fuse box tripped... as it was not raining, i naturally went to switch it on... but the fuse box tripped whenever i turn it out... so my dad felt something was amiss and called the technician... at first, i thought it might be a electrical power surge because i smelt burning/melting plastic/rubber... but upon inspection by the technician, it turns out my house main electrical circuit is already too old and requires a change... i'm not referring to my house ENTIRE wiring, just the main switch and others... in fact, upon further inspection, turns out my electrical main switch was taking heavy damage... it was burnt badly... so, the only way to get electricity back again is to do a bypass... which i think is crazy... they connect the live wire to the wiring with no fuse in between...!! and it's only protected with a black tape...!! my god... madness i tell you... here are some pictures i took...

look at how badly burnt it is...

that hole is where the live wire is placed/connected i think...

it's a miracle the main switch didn't catch fire... it would be bad if it did... very bad...

(left: fuse box; right: ceiling fan speed switch) the wires are connected above the fan switch... it's difficult to see as it is all black and the colour of the wood is also a little dark... that is where the main switch is located... scary stuff...

it was a good thing nothing bad happened except maybe spending a some cash to repair it... but it's all for a good cause... well... at least i know this will not happen again in a long, long time unless something happens... *touch wood*

2008-05-26T23:49:00.004+08:00

ok... i promised myself i would start blogging again when the holidays officially started... but i have had a very bad start to the holidays... getting pissed off on a friday night after a nice outing is something i really, really *insert proper word*... i tell you, i really hate my patience being tested... especially when i'm a very patient person... i can really be patient with things that might piss most of you less patient people... once, i take it... second time, i still take... third time, confirm whoever did it, DIE... i don't care who you are, you piss me off, you die... heck, i even told my dad off before... i seriously reached to a point where i literally don't give a fuck... do what you want to do, but if you anyhow piss me off, you're dead... full stop...

exhibit A: my sis

mistake: spilled something sweet on the keyboard, leaving it to dry, letting ants get all over it and didn't even fucking bother to clean it

attempt number: 2, this ain't the first time this happened

history: i used to use a white keyboard, and my sis spilled coffee on it. coffee. i could see the stains, and as usual, i, the guy-who-cleans-up-your-mess-and-must-not-complain-about-it- because-i'm-younger have to clean it up by prying open the keys, washing the keys, using cotton buds to clean the stains on the keyboard (if you pry the keys before you'll know what i mean) , putting it all back again and NOT EVEN RECEIVING A HINT OF GRATITUDE

see the 'shiny' area...? that's where the spill was... seems small but enough to attract ants

this is what i got after i clean the 'shiny' area on the keyboard... yellow... go figure what it is...

so after she spilled this unknown sweet and sticky substance on the keyboard and letting ants all over it, i flipped... that was the last straw... i told her off indirectly in a piece of paper... if this were to ever happen again, drastic measures will be taken... and this time, i'll be worse than the devil himself... period.

quote from me: you can tell me to go to hell... sure... gladly... but let me tell you this; if i'm going to hell, i'm taking you along with me...

2008-05-07T19:35:00.003+08:00

ah yes... i'm going to be absent from school tomorrow... the first time i won't be going school since the start of the schooling term in january... no, i'm not sick nor am i skipping school for fun... it's just that i have to go for my MUET test tomorrow in another school... i'm taking the test as a private candidate... to those of you who have absolutely no idea what i'm talking about, here is some explanation...:

MUET stands for Malaysian University English Test and this test is for students who are in university or doing form 6... as the name states, this test is about english and how proficient the people sitting for the exam are... there are two tests throughout the entire year... one in may (mid-year) and one more in october (end-year)... there are six gradings known as 'bands', 'band 6' being the highest and 'band 1' being the lowest... there are four components in the test; listening, reading, writing and speaking... each tests the candidate on how well they, erm, listen, read, write and speak...

okay... wondering why i'm taking the test in another school...? simple... my school does not allow me (and the entire form 6 students) to take the mid-year test... why...? because the end-year one is in a different format and the teachers are given orders from the MOE to focus on the end-year test... but other schools in klang (near my school), are allowing their students to sit for the mid-year one...! a bit ridiculous i know... since the format is different, i made comparisons and found that the mid-year one is easier compared to the end-year one... so, i have no choice but to register as a private candidate... but i still have to sit for the end-year test no matter what grade i achieve in the mid-year test as only the highest grade will be taken into account no matter how many times you sit for the test...

having said all that, my speaking test is tomorrow... so far, my teacher said my ability to speak is good (not great) and that i would be doing quite well... i, on the other hand, ain't too confident with myself... simply because i can't speak well when i'm nervous... plus, i will be speaking in a group of 3 other strangers (not including the invigilator)... this is where i'm getting really worried... i won't know how well the other 3 people will perform as i won't know until they start speaking... i'm praying really, really hard that i don't get a debater or a public speaker as part or the group as i would pale in comparison... i'm also worried what topic i would get as a harder topic means less points to speak about...

i don't know whether i can get any sleep tonight... i'm really worried and nervous... i just hope nothing goes wrong tomorrow... meaning no sickness, stuttering, etc... keeping my fingers crossed and i would like to wish good luck to those also sitting for the mid-year MUET test... i'm going to need all the luck i can get...

-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-

psssttt... i forgot to tell... i got a new handphone... =)

2008-05-03T21:16:00.003+08:00

-_- erm... i don't know why i'm blogging again... i'm supposed to be studying... no, really... i really should be studying... mid-term exam is literally around the corner... i feel like blogging but i don't have anything to blog about... it's in a way kinda frustrating... i feel like there are so many things i want to type out, but i can't pinpoint what it is i want to say... makes me very boh song... i feel very extremely uneasy and jittery... not to mention jumpy... not exactly the i-touch-you-and-you-got-shocked-and-hit-the-ceiling kinda jumpy... it's less extreme... anyways, i just came to type some nonsense and crap... really... i can't find anything to blog about even if you fellow bloggers can easily tell me that anything and everything under the sun is blog-able... yea.. i know... but just so you know, i'm not a real blogger... i'm more like an on-off blogger... blog when i feel like it... weird i know... but all of us are weird in our own way... that what makes us special... i don't know or care whether you agree or not, but this is what i think... it's simple actually... imagine a world where EVERYBODY is EXACTLY like you... what the world will turn out to be... *shivers* scary man... even i don't want my world to consist of me only... i would strangle myself to death (pardon the pun)...

moving on, i still haven't come up with anything blog-able... *sigh* today itself i came online three times (including this one) just to waste time... each online session lasted a short 10 minutes to a long 1 hour... i'm crappy... -.- i'm just crapping whatever that is coming to my brain... for example this:

crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap crap

ok... enough of crap... i better go now... at least get something productive done... like sleeping... *smack on the head* studying i mean...

2008-04-22T19:25:00.003+08:00

medical name: itchingpainandcrazinessaftercamp-itis

common name: camps after effects

degree of contagiousness: limited to people who attended camp only

cause: extreme commando crawling on grassy surface, prolonged jumping like mad man/woman, over-clapping, over-shouting, laughing and cheering

immediate symptoms include: itching on arms, legs and sometimes near the 'delicate' areas; muscular pain usually around the thighs, arms, neck area and abdominal pains due to too much laughing; bruises around the elbows, knees and occasional bruises around the head due to bumping into walls while sitting and laughing near a wall; panda eyes due to lack of sleep; sexy voice due to sore throat and dehydration, extreme noise pollution due to hunger (usually the stomach area), loss of blood due to bloodsuckers a.k.a mosquitoes/leeches, overloaded laundry bag

long term effects (usually 1-2 days after camp): extreme drowsiness in class, the cross-arms-with-head-on-arms-on-table position may cause further pain near the neck area,
continuous craziness (i.e: group cheering when irrelevant), over-sleeping, unfinished homework, extreme mumbling of nonsense

recommended prescription: half a days sleep, use brush to wash body with antiseptic liquid (recommended brush: firm bristle toothbrush for 'delicate' areas and clothes scrubbing brush for all other areas of the body), drink lots of water, continuous craziness with friends with same symptoms to reduce continuous craziness alone, calling other friends who do not show same symptoms to share camp experience

other notes: symptoms are NOT contagious but continuous craziness maybe spread among those with same symptoms, patients with stated symptoms may get emotional if memory of camp is reminisced

2008-04-17T20:30:00.003+08:00

ah shyts... i'm feeling anxious... no, no... it's not the happy-type anxious... it's the i-have-a-bad-feeling-about-this-type of anxious... it's similar to the feeling you get before you sit for a major exam and you are not prepared... it's like butterflies in the stomach... just that the butterflies have spikes on their wings... gah~ this is so suck... wondering why i'm feeling anxious...? it's just hours before i take off to the dreaded camp... literally, i'm dragging myself there... this is one camp i'm NOT looking forward to... *sigh* i wish i didn't have to go... really... i have to sacrifice so much... 3 tuition classes, physical chemistry test on tuesday, piling homework, studies for my mid-term... 3 days... 3 days i have to stay in camp... wait... not camp... it's hell surrounded by trees... so much can be done in 3 days... but no, i HAVE to go... and the best part is, we were ADVISED NOT to bring our phone, mp3 players, etc. wtfh...?! excuse me, i'm going for camp, NOT I.S.A DETENTION CAMP... for goodness sake you mofos, we are just prefects, NOT TERRORISTS... a little music and communication is not going to ruin the country LAH... thank you very much for further spoiling the experience... it's evident how much i'm not looking forward to this camp... today, my mom asked me whether i am bringing any snacks along to camp... i said no as it did not cross my mind... then it struck me... *pap!!* usually, i bring snacks whenever i go for camps/events/forums... but THIS TIME... i don't even bother to even think bout it... my mom understood perfectly why i'm reacting this way... she knows i dread going for this camp... *haih* i haven't even started packing my bag yet... and i still have to do my physics report as it must be handed in tomorrow... bag packing... wait... you know what... SCREW bag packing... it's just 3 f**king days... what the f**k am i worrying my arse off over this...? if those people have a problem with me, they will just have to live with it... feel like telling them, "if i throw you a stick, will you leave me alone...?" *exhales* well, i'm feeling calmer now... having said all that, i really need to start working on my report... god damn capacitors... !!>.<

2008-04-14T19:11:00.002+08:00

it's already the 3rd week of april... things are getting a little more intense... i just had my monthly test last week... not all the results are out yet, but i have not been performing well... ok, i admit, i'm not really pushing myself... i'm still slacking, hanging around, etc... it's difficult i have to say since i'm not the study-type of person who can sit for hours staring at books... the first week of may is my mid-term examinations... sigh... i honestly cannot wait for my examinations to end... i'm looking for a way to break away...

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky
And I'll make a wish
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I love
I'll take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
(Kelly Clarkson's Breakaway)

moving on, school's normal... just that, i'm beginning to feel that people disrespect me and my department... in the prefectorial board i mean... last minute information, great expectations, and extreme bullshytting from other people... other people would include teachers, students, heck, even prefects themselves... so much to carry on my department's shoulders... every single day, me and my assistant (i have 2 assistants but i only depend on 1, the other being passive), have to work our fingers to the bone trying to please everyone... but it's never enough... somehow, just somehow, there will be something to be criticized, condemned and complained about... even if there is nothing wrong, someone will find something... my assistant deserves so much more, much, much more appreciation... under appreciated... taken for granted... never have i ever once heard anyone come up to me or my assistant and said, "job well done..." time and again, i have to tell my assistant she's done a good job even though there are some flaws... heck, i said it so many times i think she knows it without me having to repeat myself... i don't really want all this gratitude, but at least, acknowledge my assistant... for crying out loud, she's been working so hard and so well... but no... she and my department is left without anything... no acknowledgment, no encouragement, nothing... i feel like giving up everything i have right now... so much sacrifice, so 'much' returns...

I've given up
I'm sick of living
Is there nothing you can say
Take this all away
I'm suffocating
Tell me what the f*** is wrong with me
(Linkin Park's Given Up)

having said all that, it's ironic how life functions... just not too long ago, i got to know of a junior (form 3) prefect that wanted to quit being a prefect... i managed to advise her not to... she was grateful that i supported her when she was i doubt... but right now, i myself am thinking of giving up... it's so ironic... telling others to believe in their capability but i don't believe in my own... i'm not doubting my own judgment, decisions, and even my self-believe... this is so suck...

not forgetting, i'm off to prefects camp on friday... will only be back on sunday... i'm totally against going for the camp, but i decided to go so to save trouble for many people... although this camp to me is a waste of time and money, i will go to keep troubles to the minimum... to go for this camp, i have to sacrifice not one, not two but THREE tuition classes... 'yay' to the world... let me just say this; it is not camp, it's hell surrounded by trees

yours truly is cutting down on his online hours... no, seriously... i'm reducing my hours/time online... i really need to get my lazy arse studying... so, i won't really be online often... my blog would be dry for some time... i will try to find time to keep my blog alive and kicking... even so, i'm still contactable... i'm not dead or anything since i won't be online for some time... drop an sms, i will reply when i have the time...

2008-04-11T21:04:00.003+08:00

okay... today i'm typing my post in red... it's not the regular white colour i always use... why you ask...? simply because... i'm super pissed off with what is going on with the higher authorities... as usual, no names will be mentioned... my policy is to protect the anonymity of the people mentioned here... but this time... i won't mention names because their names are not WORTH mentioning... these people DO NOT deserve to be mentioned in my blog...

having said that, why am i super pissed off... i absolutely hate it when basic human rights are denied... BASIC... B-A-S-I-C HUMAN RIGHTS... what rights am i talking about...? the freedom to choose... something all of us are allowed to do... but no... some people have to force us to do what they want us to do... which is a whole load of BULLCRAP... no wait... let me rephrase that... it's not bullcrap... it's F*CKING BULLCRAP... yea that's right... already, i have given my reason for not wanting join/participate/attend/contribute... but no... denying is one thing... telling indirectly that my reason is not accepted because you want me to follow your orders is the last straw... ironically, i don't hate the management... i hate the higher authorities... no doubt, the higher authorities are nice people in person... but persuading (read: forcing) us against or basic rights...? rights to choose...? it's just wrong...

am i angry for what they are doing...? no and yes... no, because they are doing it for me... but yes because of denying my choice... currently, i still have to make my final decision... what will it be, i do not know... will it be in my favor or not will rest on two days of thinking... proper thinking... just that something tells me i might regret my decision either way... anyhow, a decision has to be made... lets all hope for the best...

in all seriousness, i feel that it's about time something has to be done... i have worked to hard and too long for these people to get treated like this... and i'm not the only one feeling this way... signing up for this was one of my biggest mistakes... my initial picture of these people were good ones, but now it has changed to the direct opposite... letting go of what i have now is indeed running through my mind countless times... i really want to but i am afraid of the consequences of my actions... i'm not scared to take full responsibility but i'm afraid of what others might suffer due to my decision... this is indeed f*cked up... i'm not essentially worried for my own but for the people around me...

all in all, i have accomplished what i came to do... letting go of steam and telling how 'nice' these people are treating me... what i have to say to them is; practice safe sex, give yourself a hand...

p.s: these people happen to be alive solely because it's illegal to kill them...

2008-04-03T18:42:00.005+08:00

"... And i hereby stand to reaffirm today's motion that giving is better than receiving... DOUBLE EXCLAMATION MARK, NO STRINGS ATTACHED!! THANK YOU VERY, VERY MUCH...!!" truly well said i must say... wondering what in the name of *insert proper name* am i talking about...? that, my dear readers, is the ending line of the debate finals i watched today in school which was presented by the third speaker of the governing team... debate again i hear you say...? yup... this mock debate was in conjunction with the English Language Week... as this is a mock debate, i repeat, MOCK debate, some of the real debating rules are omitted... and yes, i was part of it... i didn't want to join the debate actually... but since my MUET teacher who is one of the teachers in charge HAND PICKED me and 2 of my friends to join, what can i say...? as it was a mock debate, some of the titles are hilarious.. my motion was 'Cows are better than goats'... "huh...?" was my first reaction... i kept telling myself, "how the hell are we supposed to debate on COWS AND GOATS...??!!" turns out, it's POSSIBLE... *gasp* i did some research online, and i found a lot of facts about cows and goats... oh yea... i forgot to mention, my team is the opposition... meaning we support the goats... *dodging weird looks* research show that goats are very useful... i won't go into the details... my team's initial opponent was actually a upper 6 team from the biology stream... but at the last minute, they pulled out because the lower forms wanted to join... well... all i can say is, "NOOBS~~!"

so my team's new opponent is a group consisting of 2 form 3 students and a form 4 student... to those of you laughing at the fact that my team which consists of 3 form 6 speakers facing 3 lower form speakers and how easy my team would crush them, you are very, VERY WRONG... my opponents were good... and then, the debate started... me being the second speaker means rebutting the governing team's first speaker point and presenting 2 other points to reaffirm my team's case... having absolutely no experience in debating, i was shaking during my presentation... well, to cut short, my team LOST... why...? the invigilator said that both the governing and opposing teams have their strengths and weaknesses but they are vastly different... as it was a mock debate, spontaneity was one of the factors that was considered in the evaluation... so my team lost based on that point... but knowing roughly how a real debate goes, spontaneity was not considered by my team... simply because we must state our source of information in a debate... not having told that in a mock debate that stating the source of information was NOT required, my team screwed up... but all in all, we did pretty good considering that we did not have any debating experience... my team actually didn't want to win anyway because next week is the monthly test... so we need time to study and not do debate research...

today i watched the debate semi-finals and finals... the semis was FANTASTIC... simply because both the teams consisted of school debaters... the governing team had 2 school team debaters while the opposition consisted of 1 school team debater and 1 ex-school team debater (she represented her school in debating before... yes, she's a form 6 student...)... the motion was tomato is a vegetable... *gasp!!* why i was wowed by the debate... watching the debaters pitting words as their best weapon, loads of insults, condemning and 'bombing' was used... the rebuts were killers... the insults were downright degrading... the use of words made me listen more attentively... for once in my life, i see people going public with insults and it's damn right legal..!! O.O to those interested to know what the insults were, you can P.M me PERSONALLY... i'm not revealing anything here... moving on to the finals... wasn't as exciting as the semis, but quite good i must say... the motion was 'Giving is better than receiving'... again, the skill of using words was put to use... i will not elaborate further as i see no point to do so... feeling a lil' suspense is it...? =) having said all that, i am now feeling very, very much intrigued and wanting to go for more debates; whether as a spectator or a debater... it is exciting, adrenaline-pumping and downright fun...! doing research may be a bit wee too stressing and crappy, but the end result is damn right worth every ounce of effort put in... having said that, i'm have already requested to have more in-class debates and my MUET teacher agreed... hehe... let the fun begin...!

-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-

ah yes... i wanted to blog about this but i kinda forgot... so here it is... on the 1st of april a.k.a international i-prank-you-with-harmless-pranks-and-get-away-with-it day (i made that up... hehe...) a.k.a april fool's day, i set a personal record for pranking the most people in a single prank... =) quite an achievement i must say... i never before thought i will be able to do so but... i stand corrected... okay... here is how it goes... as some of you might know, i hold a very *insert proper word here* post in the prefectorial board... so, when i woke up, got myself prepared and was on the way to school, i noticed it was raining (durh... who can be blind to rain...?)... feeling very, extremely happy that there will be no morning assembly, my happiness was cut short when i reached school because it stopped raining...!! *ah... wtf...!!* so i went to see teacher to confirm whether morning assembly will still be carried out or not... thankfully, she said no... as i took the microphone and headed to the assembly point where all the prefects have their prefects morning assembly, i thought of the pranking plan... i was asked whether will there be assembly for the students before i went to see the teacher... so i told them there will be assembly... just as the prefect in charge made the announcement, i heard "ah... what...?", "no...~", and many faces frowning... i smiled to myself as this prank already is working... just as the prefects were about to be adjourned, i said, "wait... before you guys go... there will be NO assembly... april fools...!! compliments from the assembly department... hahaha...!!"

then came the responses, "what...?!!", "yang hong...!!", "what the..." i could see the relieve and slight what-the-hell-he-pranked-us signs on their faces... the best response was from my friend... she is very adorable... i heard from her that she was practically SINGING on the way to school so that if would continue to rain...!! *laughs and falls of chair* her response was like the loudest among all the prefects i was told... hahaha... oh well... this could well be my last major prank... till then... have a nice day... =)

2008-03-26T23:39:00.003+08:00

oh boy... looks i'm back to typing emo stuff again... terrible... that's all i can say to describe what's been going on lately... even though many people don't know what's going on but it would be best that it remained that way... quite frankly, i'm very sick and tired of being the 'Nice Guy'... seriously... it seems that everywhere i go... i get stepped on, disrespected, dejected, offended (sometimes), contemplated and and i'm everything BUT contented... i hate it but i was born with this nature... i do wish i was not born with a kind heart sometimes... why...? simply because kind people are often taken advantage off... hence, i started using the phrase "Nice guys finish last." it's quite true actually... take some time to ponder over it... often we look past others ugly side and give-and-take so that problems do not arise... if everyone was to be selfish, then there wouldn't be a peaceful place for humans to live in... but sometimes we have to bring out our ugly side in order to survive... how can we just keep on letting others step on us repeatedly like a dirty rag doll...? how much longer should we let others take advantage of our kind nature...? of course, patience does play a part in this, but just how much can a normal human take...? patience does have its limits, right...?

in the midst of all this nonsense coming up, i have decided to throw away my good nature... simply because no one seems to appreciate it anymore... being appreciated does not mean gifts or expensive dinners, a simple 'thank you' is more than enough... even though i'm throwing away my good nature doesn't mean i'm being COMPLETELY ruthless and evil... i'll be nice to those who DESERVE it... those who don't, time for you people to look after yourselves... i'm not offering my help anymore... it's a waste on my time and energy plus it's making me all tensed up worrying my @$$ off (literally) knowing that you people don't even care in the first place... how 'touching'... condemn me for all you want, but this is the truth from my eyes... i have received enough nonsense from you people to last me another year, not only in school but at home as well... names need not be said because you should know yourselves well enough... i would only like to say, thanks for making me realize what a fool i am to be offering my kindness for your so-called 'gratitude'...

-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-

in the midst of all this crap, there is, however, a silver lining to it... i was pleasantly surprised (and touched) when i received a card from my junior prefects (2 of them to be exact)... both whom were under my guidance... i must say, i was shocked when i was given the card... and no, it was not the colour (pink card...) that shocked me, but the thoughtfulness and sincerity that really shocked and touched my heart... hence, they should receive a proper thank you in this post... it doesn't matter if it came in a card, sms, email, or even verbally... what's really important here is the amount of thought they put in it... the sincerity and the kindness... all in just words in a card... to me, that's one of the BEST gifts i ever received... you 2 truly made my day... gratitude doesn't need to come in a form of a present or something materialistic, but it should come from the heart...

-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-

to those of you who love dramas, you may have noticed that in my previous post i mentioned some confusion over feelings towards someone... now... *drama-like song playing* new twist... a new character has been introduced... well... how it goes from here, we will just have to wait and see... it is only just beginning...

2008-03-17T22:52:00.003+08:00

it's been a very long time since i last updated... i apologize for not updating that often... it's been rough lately... all the nonsense and craps popping up like mushrooms after the rain... schooling life is fairly okay... i won't say it's fantastic... bearing the weight of my duties as a prefect is seriously taking a toll on me... especially when i'm caring this particular post in the board... why...? simply because it's problems, problems and more problems... this aren't your regular i-see-this-everyday sort of problem... these problems are caused by a more significant figure... so significant, it will be deemed rude to retaliate... i find it a little difficult and tricky to actually confront these people simply because i have to protect the integrity of not only myself, but those who work with me... i try not to play the blame game but this is getting a little bit out of hand... nonetheless, it will be settled one way or the other... besides that, i don't get information i think i should be getting... secrecy seems to be top priority among the people i work with... sure, it doesn't involve me or my department, but hell, i deserve to know SOMETHING...

moving on... SPM and STPM results are out... i actually want to congratulate those who achieved good results and those who didn't do well, all i can say is, don't give up... as some of you might know, i have an elder sibling who took STPM last year... her result was good... i would really like to be happy for her, but being the younger one is really something i'm not fond of... pressure is mounting up like a bucket under a leaking faucet... mom wants me to equal or better her result... for a average achieving student compared to a high achiever like her, i don't really think i can do it... don't even try the "sure can do it... give it all you got..." story... speaking is easy... try being in my shoes... it's a completely different ball game... whatever it may be, i am still working my @$$ off... no choice it seems... so much depends on this one examination... time is so running out... i'm not really a coffee drinker... but looks like it might change soon... might need to stock up on coffee... heck, i might just end up eating coffee powder just to stay awake...

besides all the above, things are okay... my other phone, the nokia one, is busted... again... ain't so bad this time... can still make calls... there is one major problem though... i can't access the menu...! looks like i have to go phone hunting again... >.<>

more updates on the way... i'll try to find time (and mood) to keep this blog with no readers alive... till then... have a good day...

*i'm confused about something regarding someone... i'm questioning myself and what i should do about it... it could well be an illusion of the heart...

2008-02-27T00:09:00.001+08:00

yang hong needs a REAL hug, REAL BAD... 'nuff said...

2008-02-16T23:48:00.003+08:00

the other day, i was watching LOTR 3: Return of the King... a very inspiring movie i must say... look past the battle scenes, all the action, lies a lot of moral values... i find it a little surprising for me to be saying this as i am a action movie fanatic... to put it short, i couldn't care less bout the messages inside the movie... but yet, i felt touched, inspired and a whole load of other stuff... i think the most brave character in the movie has to be Sam... he, is what i define a real TRUE friend... he stuck with Frodo no matter what, even when he was no longer trusted by Frodo... it's very difficult to find friends like that anymore... take a look around you... i admit, i do have friends like that but they are hardly a handful... sometimes, when you start to believe in someone, you start to trust, you start to love them, they do something beyond your trusting limit... they don't necessarily betray you, but they somehow just makes you doubt your friendship... they make you doubt your effort to keep that particular friendship alive... i love all my friends, and so far none has actually done this to me... i'm truly grateful... there were sometimes dumbfounded by some of their actions, but i believe in them that they have their reasons to do it... and so far never has my believe been broken...

considering the circumstances, things don't naturally go our way sometimes... especially when we do something with sincerity... all i want to do sometimes is to honestly offer my assistance and help... and yet, i sometimes *note: SOMETIMES* still get the i-don't-trust-you-and-why-you're-helping-me look... of course it hurts being given that look, but i still respect that decision... i let it go no matter how much the situation requires assistance... how dire the situation may be... it's pointless to force someone to accept your assistance if he/she doesn't want you to help... hoping for the best is the most you can do...

speaking of hope... did you ever wonder what keeps us going day after day after day...? how we make it through the roughest days...? how we manage to overcome the most problematic problems...? how we find the strength to wake up in the morning knowing very well the day might not be as joyful as it should be...? hope... hope is what keeps us going... yes... we all hope for something regardless of what it is... we may not necessarily put it in our minds like "i hope today will...."... hope actually is that tiny glimmer of light in the darkest, never ending tunnel... why...? simply because it indicates that there is an exit... even though it seems very far away... we still strive for it, sometimes knowing very well we may not make it out alive, but yet, we still cling on to it...

but hoping alone will not bring us anything if no course of action is taken right...? i agree 100 percent... but in certain things, actions brings us nothing in return too... example (this may not necessarily be the most perfect example); take love... you may love someone with your entire heart, you entire soul... you are willing to die for him/her... but how much action you take will prove worthless if he/she does not love you in return... all those cliched love movies that portray that if you struggle to prove your love to him/her, he/she will fall in love with you too... but this is not necessarily true... at most, they will just feel touched by your actions and nothing more... they don't love you any more... but we still fight for it... why...? because of hope... we don't necessarily hope for them to love us in return, but simply, we just hope for them to be touched by love... i've heard this may times before, 'loving someone is letting them go'... it is indeed a very true quote... loving someone is hoping that they will remain happy, contented even if they are NOT with you, even if every time you see they laughing, cuddling, hugging and kissing someone which is not you, you literally die inside; you still manage to bring out a smile because your love one is happy, even if he/she is not with you... you shed tears of joy and pain... joy because he/she is happy and pain because you are not the one being loved... and yet, you still wake up every day, hoping that a miracle might save you...

hoping is tied very closely to love... regardless of whether you agree or not, this is my believe... even i hope for love... i have felt love before, and although things didn't go my way, i still hope for the best.. not just for myself but for her... sometimes we hope for love so, so much, it becomes an illusion... an illusion of the heart... we tell ourselves we are meant for him/her even though we know fairly well it's never going to happen... but the dreams *literally dreaming* of being with him/her is enough to put a smile on our faces, give us strength to get through the toughest days... it may not be real, but thats the power of hope and love...

my dad once said, "nothing in this world is certain..." but i know one thing is for sure... lets us all be given hope, and hope in return will give us joy, comfort and love even if it's just an illusion...

2008-02-13T23:58:00.000+08:00

i can't think of a proper title... so i'm gonna leave leave it title-less...

click play and pause the video so to let the video load first while you read the blog post... might take some time to load... sorry...!

tomorrow is the day that every loving couple looks forward to... it's valentines day...! however, i don't celebrate solely because i don't have that someone special... *actually...* so then... why am i blogging about valentines since i don't celebrate it in the first place...? well, i just thought i would do something special and dedicate this blog post to everyone, single or hooked... secondly, i bet you guys are wondering why and what is that video for... i can't find any suitable song for the post, and i don't want those sappy love songs... a bit too clinched... trying something a little different... this is a song from nickelback... titled someday... i don't know whether you heard or seen this video before, but i find this video very touching and the lyrics is very meaningful... watch the video and pay attention to the lyrics...

okay... back to where i was... valentines day... i just wanted to say that to those how are in a relationship, treasure him/her and treat him/her the best you can... chances like this don't come often to many people... so treat your partner well... no one knows what might happen in the future... and, to those who are single... which includes me... try not to be depressed when u see all your friends getting all lovey-dovey... our time will come... =) *heck, i myself am trying to stay as positive as possible...*

just so you know, i have had experience before in love but things unfortunately didn't turn out well... but thinking back, i'm glad it didn't happen... *phew* so, happy valentines to those who are celebrating... hope you have a wonderful, romantic day... cheers... ;)

p.s: watch the video and i hope you enjoy it... it's very touching... one of the best *IMHO* songs connected to love...

dong dong chang no more

2008-02-12T23:59:00.003+08:00

cny is over, to me at least... even though it is supposed to be 15 days long, but what the heck... school starts = cny over; i'm quite sure a lot of people agree with me... but anyways, to sum up my cny... this years cny for me is very very much more quiet compared to the previous years... i went to my grandma's house on cny eve... i was kinda expecting a lot of people to visit my grandma on the 1st day of cny like every other year... but surprisingly, NO one visited my grandma...! i was kinda dumbfounded... i was expecting at least SOMEONE to come, but what to do... when i say no one, i mean far away relatives like in malacca, not those staying within a 20km radius from my grandma's house... now, the most important (or maybe not so important?) thing every single person below 20 years old and is not married is of course the red packets...! this year, however, is not such a good year for ang pau collecting... economy must be bad i think... i don think i collected a lot this year... but, what the heck... money is important, but not that important... next, food...! glorious, glorious food...!! ah... i LOVE cny snacks and biscuits... they are so good... yum~~ the interesting thing is, i discovered a few different types of cny snacks this year... something new that i have never seem before...

as u can see, the one on the left which is slightly more yellow in colour is actually *drum roll* seaweed...! fried seaweed...!! imagine that... i never thought i would eat something like this but damn, it's nice... the one on the right which is more reddish in colour is actually *jeng jeng jeng* spicy cornflakes with ikan bilis and peanuts...! spicy CORNFLAKES....! *gasp* but they taste awesome... i ate so much during cny... i nearly lost my voice... i whacked nearly a whole tin of kuih kapit... kuih kapit and egg rolls are my favourite cny snacks... on sunday, my aunts, uncles and cousins came down to klang to have dinner at a seafood restaurant... and guess what my aunt gave my mom... she gave her a gold tablet (i can't find the proper word)... well, at least it looks like one...

it's actually a hamper... hahaha... and i thought i saw every type of hamper ever made...! boy, was i wrong... so wrong... anyway... i have yet to see the contents as it is not opened yet... but all in all, this years cny is ok... won't say fantastic, but still it wasn't too bad... schools started already... time to go sleep... ;)

dong dong chang!!

2008-02-05T21:45:00.000+08:00

weeee~ it's chinese new year(cny) again... according to the lunar calendar, it's the year of the rat... so all you rat-ty people... time for you guys to celebrate...!! =) anyway... since the cny is coming soon, i'm quite sure most people are very excited... simply because during cny we get to meet relatives, friends, eat glorious, glorious food and not forgetting us students 'best freind' a.k.a side income... MONEY!! for those of you whose gamble... heh... even more (or less...?) side income... but even so... i don't seem particularly excited over this upcoming cny... i have totally no idea why... it just doesn't seem as exciting as the previous years... even last year when i was in NS camp... i made it back home though... i was going nuts over cny... but this year... all the excitement just seemed to have... disappeared... maybe it's the fact i have a major exam this year (stpm) or maybe it's the piling homework i have yet to complete (thanks to all the teachers who 'kindly' gave me all the 'fantastic' amount of homework... cheers... =X)... or maybe, just maybe i have outgrown the excitement... sounds unreal...? why not...? just thinking back... when i was younger... i used to enjoy running around my grandma's house compound... watching the fireworks that blew my young and very fragile mind (heck, my mind is still fragile now..!! xD) back then... the amount of money in the angpau's i receive is literally unimportant... but times have changed... as i progress older, whether i like it or not, money seems to play a heavier role in my life... part of learning to be independent is being able to manage my income well... managing my income well mean ALWAYS having a debited account not a credited one... (those of you who have absolutely, positively no idea what i just said... debited account = having a positive account balance/not owing money while credited account = opposite of debited account)

anyways... having mentioned all that, i do hope it changes to something better... hey, who wants to be all sulky and emo during cny...? it's supposed to be a JOYOUS occasion... heck... anyone who visits me (or if i visit them) is all sulky and emo during cny will receive a good punch from me... seriously... so... i'd like to wish a very, merry happy Chinese New Year to everyone (despite you reading my blog or not) and may you have loads of good luck, even more happiness and a fantastically huge side income... =)) tootles... oh... do take care of your safety... i don't want to be reading about you in the STAR newspapers headlines for the wrong reasons (i think you know what i mean)... HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR OF THE RAT!!

*p.s: i won't be in klang for about approximately 5.0 days... i will be back on sunday... until then... i'm reachable on BOTH my hp's... cheers...!!

total random-ness

2008-01-26T00:22:00.001+08:00

actually... nothing to blog about... just wanted to release some steam... been a lil frustrated lately... a lot of problems everywhere... i really don't want to talk about a specific problem because i believe this problem should remain as it is... with that said... i shall move on... homework is piling up... before i can even finish up my previous work... another homework arrives... bah... not to mention all the preparations need for the upcoming sports day...

oh... here is another problem... nothing to do with homework n sports day... its just that i'm feeling the pressure of my prefect duties... not because of time constraints... its because the teachers are not helping at all... some of them just blabber away about the downside of the morning assembly... picking on the fine mistakes made during assembly... then firing me for it... but they don see the upside... its so difficult to wake up every morning, going to school, knowing fairly well that i might/will get firing for something i never even did wrong... maybe thats whats leaders are for... firing them...

enough on that... i also dislike the thought of not being able to spend time with my friends... damn... even my weekends are not free... its either homework or extra tuition classes... or both... i'm like dying to get a moment to spend with my friends... just over a cup of teh-tarik... talk till our jaws drop... literally... its so hard to even get them to reply smses... but hey... what can i do...? its not like i can make changes that can affect someone's life... in a good way of course... i ain't superman... i'm just your average joe... even if i am an average joe... it's not easy to be me...

woe... woe...

2008-01-22T22:37:00.000+08:00

1st up, i'd like to apologize for not updating my blog... it's been a very hectic 3 weeks of school... i can hardly find the time and mood to blog... loads of work to be done... my homework is stockpiling like nobody's business... but i managed to finish some yesterday... so lesser work now... i am also facing a lot of problems... mostly school-related and time-related... i seriously find it hard to spend time with my friends... it's frustrating at times... knowing that i am unable to do such a simple thing... spending time with the people that matter most to me... i sometimes wish i had the power to stop time so that i can spend time with them... but reality... its NEVER going to happen...

moving on... being in upper 6 has taught me a lot of things... helped me get to know myself more... but in the course of learning about myself, i start to see things i don't really want to see... this has lead me to question a lot of things... past, present and also future... i'm starting to wonder if i had actually made the right choices... chosen the correct words to speak... pick the right course of action... all these questions are making me feel as if i had not done a good job and i have not only disappointed myself, but the people around me... sure.. people tell me that i'm actually doing a very good job... but i feel that i have not done anything good... i'm beginning to lose confidence in myself... even in my studies... i look at my results and i wonder if i can actually sit for STPM and come out of the hall with good results... it's so frustrating...

but what concerns me the most would be the time factor.... i know i don't have much time left to study... but i have even LESSER time to spend with my best buddies... everyone's just so busy... sometimes they are so busy, even they can't reply an sms... sounds familiar? it should... i hated having to look forward into the future and knowing that there is a possibility that i might lose some of my friends because the lack of communication due to time... it's bad... i'm like looking a great escape... quoting from the Boys Like Girls - The Great Escape:

Throw it away

Forget yesterday
We'll make the great escape
We won't hear a word they say
They don't know us anyway
Watch it burn
Let it die
Cause we are finally free tonight

being free from problems and woes are so hard... everyday in our lives... there is definitely an obstacle... some are easy to overcome... some are not... makes me wonder what would happen if i just packed up and left... as in just disappeared from the face of the earth... *poof* just like that... wouldn't that be great? from my point of view... it is in fact a brilliant idea... again... quoting from Simple Plan - When I'm Gone:

Won't look back,
When I say goodbye.
I'm gonna leave this a hole behind me,
Gonna take what's mine tonight.
Because every wasted day becomes a wasted chance.
You're gonna wake up feeling sorry,
Because life wont wait,
I guess it's up to you.

says a lot doesn't it...? oh well... life has to go on... and frankly... i'm quite sick of people telling me "don't worry... everything will be fine... you can make it through..." just about another person telling me that i would have killed that fella... i have everything to worry about and everything is and will NOT be fine and i will NOT make it through... i know my god damn limitations so don't tell me what i can and cannot do...

*bah... i'm ranting about nonsense again... sorry if you had to read my nonsense... as not much happy stuff has been going... i promise, i will try my best to 'brighten up' my blog...

goodbye 2007, hello 2008?

2008-01-02T18:32:00.000+08:00

i know this is kinda late, but my internet line was out since thursday (27 dec 07)... i got it fixed yesterday... this is going to be long post... i didnt exactly plan to update but since i have people requesting that i update... i will... this might be a lil' sappy post... you have been warned...

the year 2007 has come and gone... as i look back, i feel that 2007 was NOT a very good year for me... there were of course ups and downs... but the downs seems to outweigh the ups by a ratio of 1:100... yea... bad right...? but maybe i just feel this way... to you it may not seem that bad... anyway... looking back... i realize a lot of things... things changed... and they change BIG TIME... *sigh* i left for a 3 month stint (NS) starting january... some of my friends left for college... 1 or 2 left the country to further their studies... some decided to try their hand at working or venturing into business... i met new people, saw new faces, experience new experiences... when i returned... things did seem a little different... solely because i'm no longer schooling (not at that time), friends are in different places... busy doing what they have to do... then i started my own studies... i enrolled into form 6... again... i met new people, saw new faces, experience new experiences... towards the end of the year, i started to feel the pressure of my upcoming STPM exam... and being so far from my beloved friends did not make it any easier... sure... they are just a sms away... but everybody is so busy studying... i try my very best not to disturb them...

as 2007 closes, i began to wonder what have i achieved in 2007... then it hit me... life is a journey of discovery... time is the revealer of secrets... i discovered things about me and the people around me, the people i love... i learn about things i don't want to learn about... ugly things reveal themselves... my ugly side showed... i did promise myself about the things i must do... especially if it involves the people i love... but things don't seem to go my way... there is always something blocking my way... if it's not the circumstances of the situation, it's the end result that affects my decision... i absolutely hate making decisions like this... not only that... some of my plans don't turn out the way it should... it's frustrating... i only wish that my friends would just stay happy regardless of how i feel... to me, they come first... above everything else... but yet i not only disappoint them, i disappointed my own self... not only did my actions hurt myself, it hurt them too... i just feel... i feel like i failed myself... i fail to be their friend... i don't have much to offer to them... i share what ever i can... i'm not some rich kid who can afford to give you everything u want... i'm not good looking... i'm not intelligent... i'm... i'm... just... normal... sometimes i give without expecting something in return... but a little gratitude and appreciation is not too much to ask right...? but i get... i get nothing...

oh well... maybe this is what they call destiny... maybe this is what i'm fated to become... maybe God had already planned for me to be part of this world like this, even when people tell me fate is in my own hands i still feel that i'm meant to be like this... i can't change it... no matter how hard i try... this is a fact... u can't expect everyone to be a CEO in a top company right...? then who is going to clean our roads...? maybe i'm just another forgettable on the street... i don't play a role of importance... whether i'm at a party or not, doesn't affect much...

so long 2007... but hello 2008...? honestly... i'm not looking forward to 2008... at least not 100%... why...? it's exam year... and it's the year people start to venture out... people take new routes in life... where do i go...? i don't know... will i ever be able to maintain all the friendships i made throughout my life...? only God knows... i will try no doubt... only if they other party does his/her part too... i can't be the only one fighting to keep it alive... i can't just be the fire that keeps the friendship burning... i can only hope and pray... my hopes and dreams (not all) were not achievable last year... and i don't think i'm any closer to it this year... what else can i say...? i leave it to fate...

2007-12-06T22:30:00.000+08:00

[Verse 1]
I never thought I'd be the one to say this,
But thank you for the memory you gave me,
Even though I lived with regrets,
That I had to let u go,
Deep down I know,
That closed door is all I have left

[Chorus]
I miss you, I miss you so,
Why did you have to walk away and
Leave me crying in the rain
I try to hold on,
With all the broken pieces of me,
I never knew it was so wrong to love you

[Verse 2]
I still remember that day,
I felt so loved,
But now it's gone,
A piece of you stays with me,
"because you are so sweet"
I'd die every time I see it,
I can have you no more

[Chorus]
I miss you, I miss you so,
Why did you have to walk away and
Leave me crying in the rain
I try to hold on,
With all the broken pieces of me,
I never knew it was so wrong to love you

[Bridge]
Why couldn't I let you go?
Why couldn't I throw it all away?
Our picture sits beside me,
My smile is just another sad story,
Deep inside I'm a million pieces

[Chorus]
I miss you, I miss you so,
Why did you have to walk away and
Leave me crying in the rain
I try to hold on,
With all the broken pieces of me,
I never knew it was so wrong to love you

Please... Let me go...
Even if I miss you so...
Even if it means goodbye............

Title: No title yet
Category: This is supposed to be a song lyric I composed, but it's feels a little poetic.
Meaning: Erm... I think it's better you all come up with your own meaning you think is suitable.

Additional Notes:
1) I'm not sure what title i should put this.
2) This is the ORIGINAL draft.
3) I welcome any comments whether this should be a song lyric, or a poem. If any of you have any title suggestions, corrections, any suitable words, or even a tune that matches this draft, please feel free to drop a comment.
WARNING: I hope that if you drop a comment, please let it be an HONEST one. If you think it sucks, just say it. I don't want any 'I think it's great but my true opinion is that it sucks.' Your honesty is greatly appreciated. COPYRIGHT PROTECTED.

dear readers...

2007-11-19T23:48:00.000+08:00

this is yang hong's other self writin... yang hong is currently away on depression leave... he knows tht his blog is not up to date but he will try his best to get back as soon as possible...he is takin leave becos of some unseen events n sad memories tht r suddenly surfacin n bringin back nostalgic but sad feelings... oh yea... there has been some changes in his plan to rebel against his fam... a sudden turn of events forced him to rethink his plan... about those sad memories... he is reluctant to comment anythin bout it cos he knows it is pointless to as very little ppl know bout it... therefore he is keepin mum on it... 1 more thing... yh says he is practisin on his fake smile... he hopes his frens will not worry bout him cos he wants u to know everythin will turn out fine even though he knows it will nvr be ok... also, he said tht all of his frensr free to call/sms/p-msg/im him anytime provided its a suitable time... smsin him 4 in da mornin is not a good idea... if he is in tuition he will inform u... n he also said he will GUARANTEE a reply but maybe not an instant 1... but he will reply within 1 hour - 1 day assumin he is not busy/has credit/phone is in good condition(got battery)... thts all he told me so far... if there is anythin else i will post it up... cheerios...

sweets r sweet... (duh~)

2007-11-10T23:36:00.000+08:00

ok... title says it all rite...? presentin my fav sweet... my aunt got it from jpn... she let me try this sweet around last year i think... cant rmmbr... anyway... need i say more...? let da pic do da talkin...

da outside packin... best part is...

i got not 1, but 2 packets...! yay~!

this is da packin for da sweet...

this is da sweet... mmm~ i luv it...

sleepy... =.=

2007-11-07T22:44:00.000+08:00

last nite i couldnt sleep... i hav no idea y... oh well... so i spent my time lyin on my bed half-starin at da ceiling and my eyes half-closed... while i was doin tht, i let my mind wonder... it began explorin da many 'wonders' life had to offer... question were plenty n it began askin some of them... hav u ever felt tht ur life is sucky...? tht other ppl r alwis betta off compared to u...? hav u ever looked at a fren n see him/her usin da lastest phone but ur is an ancient 1...? or hav u ever seen a lovin couple on da street n wondered y u still remained single...? or y some ppl lead sure happy lives n while urs is literally a piece of trash...? if u hav answered yes to all my questions earlier, step into my sampan as we both r experiencin 'wonders' life hav to offer... its crap... reli... but some ppl say tht life is in our own hands n how plays out is dependent on us... do i agree...? no... n yes... no, becos many factor/s affect our lives whether we like it or not... its somethin called DESTINY... (i somehow do believe in destiny... hard to explain...) yes, becos we must determine our actions 1st... although our actions may not necessarily be da best... but we determine our actions based on da situation rite...? so wat would u do if this situation involves da ones u love most...? n ur course of action is 1 u reli, reli, don wan to take becos it would hurt not onli u but ur love ones too...? thts wat is goin on rite now in my family... me vs my dad,mom n sis... >.<>
1) let things be... n continued to be stepped over, or
2) simply fight back
guess wat...? i chose choice 2... my sick-o-meter is reachin max... but jus becos im fightin back doesnt mean i hav to be rude to them... they r after all still my family... but i will not be so nice as i used to be last time... things hav to be done differently... this time... my way... criticize me all u wan... i don care... its bout time i did somethin... all this talk bout bein fair to others is PURE rubbish... pic this... my sis is STILL usin my dad's old num... n its a LINE... my dad is still PAYIN for it... but i hav to PAY for MY OWN bills... oh yea... i hav my P license... but im not drivin... y...? becos my sis is NOT ALLOWED to drive... since she is not allowed to drive... im NOT ALLOWED too... fair...? 'very' it seems...
i woke up this mornin feelin very tired... i got more than enuf sleep... yet i wake up feelin tired... im not physically tired... im not mentally tired... im EMOTIONALLY tired... i can sleep for hours but still feel tired... my mom wonders y i can sleep for hours... =.= i seriously hav no place to go now... i jus hav to carry on as long as i can... oh well... *yawn* im feelin tired... i'll stop here... time to go relieve some stress...

limits ppl, LIMITS...!!

2007-11-04T00:30:00.001+08:00

im annoyed... seriously... i cant seem to get messages across... either my message is not clear (i highly doubt so) or u ppl r seriously blind/dumb/ignorant... im not a person who likes to be blunt... but i will if i hav no other bloody choice... i prefer to take things a lil slow, soft paced, etc... but u ppl jus take advantage... step on me like im a rag doll rite... i hav alwis been nice... but u ppl NVR listen... talk bout bein fair... fair my mo'f**kin @$$...!! my patiences limit is crackin... u like to pressure me so much rite... ok then... u think u very big rite... i show u wat is big... well... i hav had enuf... no more mr. nice guy... if its war u wan... than war i shall give... no mercy... IF IM GOIN TO HELL, IM TAKIN U ALONG WIT ME...

men AND women r from earth... not mars n venus...

2007-10-15T22:14:00.000+08:00

be4 i start... this post is purely my view n opinion... this was written wit no intention of offendin any1, men, women... heck, even dogs...! XD by da end of this post, u might either:
1) throw stones n rotten eggs at me 4 wat i posted, or
2) agree wit wat i posted n maybe jus hav a drink wit me (well... if ya' reli wan to...)
3) not give a damn wit anythin...
ok... wit everythin said, lets get it started... ;)

hokay, so... many hav debated over this topic for god-knows how many years adi but, yet this debate nvr ended... who is betta, men or women...? i, for 1, feel tht we r both equal... its quite simple actually... for instance... problem solvin... some say men r betta than women n vice-versa... but think properly... how do women solve problems...? generally, women tend to get more emotional compared to men... so, women cry 1st, then think how to solve da prob... men... don start celebratin too soon... we r no betta ourselves... men r egoistic n compulsive... men act 1st, then think on how to solve da prob...

next... fashion... women reli hav a thing bout fashion... its in their genes... *dodges a rotten egg* c'mon... take ur sis, gf, aunt, female cousin, heck... even ur mom to a shoppin mall... n high probability da 1st shop they go is a shop sellin bags, shoes, clothes or all in 1... even magazines... 1st thing women look at in mags r latest bags, shoes... u get my point... men... a lil bit of latest fashion wont kill us ok... tht shirt u bought 3 years ago wont look good on u forever u know... gettin a couple of shirts tht r jus out for da summer collection isnt gonna kill us (maybe jus our wallets ^^)... da thing is... women... cut some slack on da bags n shoes... not gettin da latest shoes isnt gonna do any harm to u (maybe jus a couple of stares... ^^'')... men... pls for heaven sake... its good to know when to hang up those old shirts n pants (old i mean more than a couple of years)... heck, maybe tht new shirt u get might string u a couple of hot babes... *dodges stones ala Matrix*

last but not least... drivin...! personally... i shouldnt be commentin much as i hav not driven since i got my P license... mom don let... *grumble* but in msia... a LOT of this arguments hav been goin on on whether men or women r betta drivers... men... criticized 4 bein reckless, breakin road rules, etc... its all becos of our ego... wantin to show off on da road... wit our 'rides' n erm... hopin to pick up chicks...? forever rantin bout da latest models n spoilers, skirtin, engine... continue rantin, but... pocket no money...! women... i hav heard tht they drive slowly on da road... to them... slow=careful... but, in reality... slow=long line of annoyed drivers behind... erm... i know bein safe on da road is important... but kindly do speed up when it is needed...

conclusion (u can make ur own it ya' wan to)... men n women r equal... its jus tht we r weak in our own ways... n our weakness makes da other sex look betta in comparison... all this shouldnt matter to us... becos we r all human... we r imperfect... n this imperfection is wat tht makes us unique... whether we r good at drivin or not... we should look past our imperfections n differences... life is short n we should celebrate ever minute of it... 'to every little good thing in life... cheers...!' ;)

its over...

2007-09-30T00:42:00.000+08:00

be4 i start... lets all not get da title wrong... has ntg to do wit anyone... directly i mean... its jus tht i hav jus finished my own personal experiment... usin watever resource i hav i conducted this experiment... da subjects r (don scream...) me n my frens... apparatus tht r used r my 2 hps n my com... purpose of this experiment is simple... to find out da number of ppl who take da 'PAINSTAKIN' task n LIBERTY to ask me a simple question: how r u...

y am i doin this experiment...? simple... ever felt like u r suddenly not communicatin enuf wit ur old frens...? wonderin where they r n wat they r doin...? how r they gettin along after high skol...? n when u think bout it... its not u who is not makin da effort to call/msg/etc them... its THEM who is not doin enuf... frens yeh...?

i subjected myself to be da subject of this experiment (pardon da pun) simply becos its da easiest way... y...? for eg... if u take a drop dead gorgeous gal as da subject... would da experiment be a success...? high probability no... no offence... but in this experiment... looks DO affect da result...

i shall not reveal any data as this is a PERSONAL experiment... wat i can say is da results r quite disappointin... not tht da experiment is a failure... in fact its a success... but as a person wit feelings... its sad... 2 conclusions...
1) i shall explain bout me... turns out not many ppl did ask tht question save for 1 homosappien... he/she (told u i will not reveal any data) is a very close fren of mine... no prizes for guessin correctly... mainly becos im quite a forgettable person...
2) ppl r alwis lookin for newer things... newer places to go... newer adventures... more ppl to meet... but they get so absorbed in da present... da past is forgotten... however accurate this is... its unknown...

whether this is a valid experiment in ur eyes i shall leave tht to u la... no point arguin over somethin like this rite...? try ur own experiment... da results may or may not shock u... diff ppl diff results...some of u may say 'u oso da same wat... oso nvr ask us how r we...' u see... i did do ask tht last time... but i got fed up of it... cos im da 1 alwis askin...! n dats oso y i started this experiment in da 1st place... be4 i end jus a reminder... for those who 4got ur old pals back then... jus don look back in regret when u look at ur photos when u were in high skol... knowin tht u jus WASTED a perfect frenship jus becos u were too 'BUSY' wit ur collage/uni life... my fren could still ask ke tht question... y cant u...?

fill in wit ur own title

2007-09-22T22:01:00.000+08:00

this is wat u get if ur in a class full of guys...:

SITUATION 1

me n my class were walkin to da chemistry lab... to get there hav to pass da f5 classes which r takin exams... so a fren of mine was makin a lil too much of noise... here's da conversation...:

Fren A: eh... quiet a bit lar... they takin exams la... later they throw pen at u larrr...
Fren B: hahaha...
Me : hahaha... no wei... more like they throw their question paper at us n ask us to answer for them lar...
Fren A: hahaha... "senior.. pls help us..." *does it wit a funny voice*

*all of us who heard jus burst out laughin*

SITUATION 2

im a prefect... n us prefects (there r 4 of us includin me) usually leave early to hav our break... when we came back to da class after da break (its now MUET lesson... teacher was in class adi btw...) we saw this on da board:

TODAY GOT PHYSICS PRACTICAL 2

Class Monitor : eh.. 2day got practical 2... get redi arr...
Me : har...?!! got arr...?!! but teacher not here leh... he didnt come skol... cannot go in lab without teacher leh... *panicky voice*
Prefect fren A: maybe Mr. X (another teacher) will monitor us...
Me : maybe lar... but wats da practical 2 question...? teacher oso nvr give...
Prefect fren A: maybe its in our students manual... *he's alredi seacrhin 4 it* i cant find it...
Me : wait... i think i got brin... *i went to my desk n opened my folder n found it* nah... here... *both lookin 4 practical 2*
Prefect fren A: eh... says here there is an experiment...
Me : but report can be done at home... plus not compulsory to do leh...
Prefect fren A: maybe teacher wants us to do...? who knows...
Me : hmm... tru oso...

as i sat beside my fren, i saw fren C wrote this on da board:

CLASS MONITOR'S PRACTICAL JOKE

then it struck me... da *censored* was jus playin wit us... not onli da prefects... but nearly my WHOLE class...

Me : wat da hell...??!! its a *censored* joke...??!!
Classmates : !!#@#$#^&^$**%)()**&%*&!!
Class Monitor: wait.. wait... let me ex... *got surrounded by my classmates*

next thing u know... we 'lauk' him... *i didnt do it though... onli some lauk him...*

Teacher : omg...!! wat r u doin...?! Class Monitor... r u ok...? *a very shocked tone*
Prefect fren A: teacher... how would u feel if u jus came back from duty n u see tht there is practical 2day... not know anythin, panickin, not prepared n eventually bein told its a joke...?
Teacher : oh... ok... u guys wanna whack him again....?
Whole Class : YEA~!!
Class Monitor : wait... let me explain...
*all listenin attentively*
Class Monitor : i do this becos so tht u all APPRECIATE ur last 3 periods...
Classmates : WAT....??!! *some started chasin him out of da class...*

eventually everythin settled down... bugger lookin 4 death... *&^$&!#@&@#!$(&#($*

SITUATION 3

MUET lesson again... this time teacher wanted to do speakin lesson... impromptu speech... *sheesh* all of us picked a topic... i got tropical fruits...

Fren Y: eh... wat topic u got...? *i showed paper*
Me : tropical fruits... u?
Fren Y: change change~! *hands over his paper*
Me : oh... ok...

guess wat...? his topic was beauty... *damn it*

Teacher: if u guys don like ur topic u can change... *puts a couple of pieces of paper on a table*

a sudden rush of ppl to tht table... all wantin to change their topic... i went there too... hopin to get somethin better... but eventually i stuck to da beauty thingy...

Teacher: here... pick ur numbers...

honestly... i didnt like goin 1st as my teacher ALWIS asks me to go 1st 4 almost nearly everythin tht had to do wit presentation... she likes me 2 go 1st... i jus complained to my teacher y i kept on goin 1st... so she did da number in da paper thingy... as i picked my paper... guessed wat...? i got NUMBER 1~!!!

Me : wat da HELL...????!!!! number 1...????!!!! again....????!!!!
Classmates: HAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Teacher : oh... ah... 2day is da happiest day in my life... no... happiest moment... *sarcastic voice*
Me : *grumble*

fast forward... now its my fren's turn... his topic was dream... then he categorised dreams into 3 categories... normal dreams, nightmares n wet dreams... *gasp* he said he will skip da wet dream part... *awww* after tht... i came up wit my our 3 categories... my fren is still presentin...

Me : u know da 3 categories...? my 3... normal... horny... n very horny...
Fren C: hahaha... horny...
Me : yea...
Fren C: wet dream... wet dream... wet dream... *da way u do it when u wan more in a concert*

my fren who was still presentin jus laugh it off... my teacher did a funny + disgusted face... after everythin was over... i again made 3 new categories...

Me : hey... my new other 3 categories... normal... wet... flooded...
Fren W: hahaha...! flooded... *bendin over laughin*
Me : hahaha... yea... cool huh...?
Fren W: hahaha... mine even better... normal... wet... not dreamin anymore...
Me :damn... hahaha... not dreamin anymore...
Fren W: lol...

conclusion... my class rocks... hehehe... =)

muahahaha... evil laugh

2007-09-19T23:05:00.000+08:00

uber cool... hehe... 2day i did my 2nd chemistry practical... cool but kinda complicated as we reli need to be precise... very precise... hokay so... da prep of sodium hydroxide (NaOH) was a killer... da stupid alkali solution reli gave me a headache... to prep 250 cm³of NaOH we were given solid sodium n distilled water... ok... to cut short (read: lazy wanna explain) after prep da solution... hav to titrate wit monobasic acid HX... question was to find concentration of da HX acid... *skippin all da nonsense* this was wat i did AFTER i finished da experiment... da balance NaOH solution i poured in phenolphthalein (da indicator) bout 1/5 of da phenolphthalein bottle... *its a lot...!* da whole solution turned, well, this...

this is wat u get when u pour TOO MUCH phenolphthalein into an alkali solution... u get ribena... or grape juice...?

i couldnt resist take a pic of me goin mad... ok ok... tht sounds so wrong... hehehe...

me+chemicals=mad boy tryin to take over the world... (jus kiddin!) *note da evil face*

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ok... this happened last week (on thursday)... my 1st physics practical... considered an easy 1... mainly becos i jus hav to measure stuff n calculate... hokay so... 1 of da things i hav to measure is volume n mass of cookin oil... from da volume n mass i can get da density... so when my teacher took da cookin oil out... i was horrified... ! omg... horrible... totally horrible... looks like da oil has been kept 4 ages...!! *vomittin* managed to get a pic...

look at tht monster... u don wan to know how it felt like when i held da body of da bottle... *vomits even more*

as all of u know (i assume u all DO know) tht cookin oil is transparent n yellow in colour... but this is absurd... how many generations hav this oil been passed down...?! it looks moldy n da worse part is... (drum roll) it startin to coagulate... *screams n runs away* man... tht was reli horrible... take a look... this pic was take from da top of da bottle... from da mouth of da bottle...:

see da white 'dots'...? tht is da coagulated oil... *eewww* u cant even see da bottom... *faints*

wat u cant see is tht there is MORE coagulate oil at da bottom... here is da punch line... da pieces r HUGE...!! so big i don think it can be poured out... its dat BIG... da reason y u cant see it is becos da oil is so 'muddy', it 'hides' da coagulated pieces... unfortunately... i didnt get da chance to document it when most of da oil was poured out... when its was poured out, u CAN see those pieces... don let me get started on da smell... ntg can describe it except tht it smells like rotten, moldy oil...? hahaha... ok... i better stop... i think im gonna lose my appetite... even though its so late at nite... i betta go... chaoz...

food-ie for thought-ie...?

2007-09-11T20:28:00.000+08:00

did ya know... :

- if someone is very quiet n alwis says tht 'everythin is ok' is actually someone who is alwis burdened wit problems...?

- tht someone who is loud n tries to be da centre of attention is tryin to hide their inner sorrow...?

- tht someone who looks so strong n tough on da outside is very weak n vulnerable on da inside...?

- tht someone who tells u tht he/she is not dreamin/fantasizin about someone/somethin is actually doin exactly tht...?

- tht someone who tells u tht he/she is not in love wit someone actually is in love wit someone, secretly...?

most of us (if not all of us) r actually opposite of wat we portray when we r wit others... but y do we hide our feelings...? y do we try our very best (sometimes) to jus make it look like everythin is perfectly normal while in reality it is not...? y do we wear tht fake smile in front of others but let our tears flow like rivers when we r alone...? y do we say we love our frens n family but hate ourselves n our lives....? y do we try so hard to be ourselves but end up bein someone we don wan...?

"Let me ask you something. If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or do you think He gives them the opportunity to be patient? If he prayed for courage, does God give 'em courage or does He give them the opportunity to be courageous? If someone prayed for the family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings or does He give them opportunities to love each other?"
- Evan Almighty-

head blows up

2007-09-06T20:32:00.000+08:00

ahhh... looks like im back here... again... strange tho... i hardly blog last time... but now i seem to be bloggin more often... maybe becos im too free...? nah... cannot be... or is it becos im under loads of pressure...? nope... if im under pressure i would hav jus socked some random dude on da street in da face... or is it becos my bottled up feelin r jus explodin...? ah... yes... maybe tht's it... my observation r becomin more regular as now i observe many ppl n their actions... mostly if not all of those ppl r my frens... n i came up wit a conclusion: some ppl r jus plainly nice... here's da punch line... most of them r jus a bunch of actors... phony n very easy to see through (maybe jus to me la...)... some fail to see tht even though they r alwis wit them... i don know y but da onli reason/s i can think of is tht they r either very, very ignorant n patient or they jus cant notice no matter how obvious it is...

like i said be4... we all live in a world filled wit lies n deceit... now life would be borin if there were no drama n backstabbin rite...? this is where lies n deceit comes in... ppl lie n cheat to usually achieve they goal whether is personal or not... nvrtheless... thts life... tell me u hav nvr cheated n been cheated i would punch u in da face n call u a liar... all of us hav had our fair share of lyin n cheatin... bein cheated by someone u don like may hurt but not tht painful... but bein cheated n lied by some u love is reli painful n it literally SUCKS!! there is another case tho... watchin someone u love bein cheated, used, taken 4 granted n stepped over like a dirt rag doll... but... there is ntg u can do... ntg at all but watch like an innocent bystander ... helpless... watchin them suffer... their eyes... pleadin 4 help... ok ok... a lil too much drama there... XD

life is full of surprises... some r very surprisin, very nice surprises (pardon da pun...) n some kinda of an expected surprise... i don know how to explain this... its like when somethin surprises u but when u think it over u will go 'hey... i should hav expected tht...' get da pic...? haaaneway... after all this... i feel im losin faith in my frens... not all but some of them... their actions say a lot... i jus cant find tht 1 reason to make me trust them again... i don care who u r... u can be da smartest, most handsome, most beautiful, etc for all i care... if i lose faith in u... i don know if i can trust them ever again...

little things matter the most... is there such a thing...?

2007-08-31T22:11:00.000+08:00

in this world filled wit lies n deceit, does bein honest pay off...? jus think about it... when was da last time u acted honestly, didnt ask or expect anythin in return but u did get somethin in return from someone...? if u cant find da ans, welcome to my world... in my world, all u get for bein honest is ntg... totally ntg... not even a simple thank u... yes... not even tht... surprised...? hah... u actually shouldnt be... u see... gratitude comes very rarely... this is becos ppl dont know tht jus a lil thank u can mean so much to others... everytime someone does somethin good, they expect somethin in return... most of da time somethin tht can be bought wit money... ppls minds r now very materialistic... its all bout da money, da money n ntg but da money... is money tht important...? yes, money is important but in this case should it...?

quite noticeably is durin birthdays... among my frens i notice this sort of trend... especially among da gurls... whenever there is a birthday among da gurls, da birthday gurl will recieve A LOT of presents... n i mean a lot... ok... i can see many ppl throwin rocks n rotten eggs at my hse now... i know its not wrong to give presents but think about it... even though u can afford to buy presents how come u dont give presents to ALL ur frens when its their birthday/s...? or even better... do u even REMEMBER their birthdays in da 1st place...?? oh... so u jus 'happen' to 4get those ppl la... n wat rotten excuse r u goin to give...? no money? no time? c'mon... be a lil reasonable la... see... thts da thing most ppl dont realise... its not about GIVIN presents... its about REMEMBERIN about it... ask urself another thing... when was da last ime u actually took a minute (not much... jus A MIN...) to msg/email/p-msg ur frens to ask them how they r doin...? would it be too much to do tht...? is it tht troublesome...? 1 MINUTE... 1 FREAKING MINUTE~!! IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK..? WOULD IT KILL U...? all we (yes... includin me...) alwis do is rmmbr da ppl around us... those who r not r eventually n unfortunately 4gotten... sad story...? i dont think so... look deep into ur heart... u dont hav to tell anyone... nor do u hav to be honest wit anyone... jus be honest to urself...

i admit... i myself hav done this... i hate to admit it... but its da truth... i cant hide from it nor can i run from it... a fire continues to burn becos we take da effort to keep it alive... to kill it or make it grow so big tht it will eventually hurt us is to jus 4get bout it... we can lose frens even faster compared to makin new ones... n frens we lose we cannot replace wit new ones... its better to treasure da frens we hav now than regret later on... we don realise wat we hav until we lose them...

if there is still hope...

2007-08-25T23:43:00.000+08:00

i hate my life... seriously... n literally... but not to da point where i will do stupid stuff... like wat a fren of mine said, 'Life is like a vacum... it sucks...' totally agree... many or i should say all of my frens/family don know this becos i don show my true feelings... i alwis keep it to myself... my crazy, alwis laughin behavior is like a mask... hidin all da pain, loneliness n ugly side of me... so much so tht rite now my patience is at its very limit... anythin can set me off... but as i see things... its not so bad after all... mainly becos i begin to be more straightforward... if i hav somethin to say i will say it whether u like it or not... if i think somethin is not to my likin n if its wrong i will say... it depends on how i will say it... if im reli pissed... then a lot of ugly words will come out... n i don care who u r... u can be da prime minister's son/daughter for all i care...

lately i've been observin a lot of stuff... some stuff i nvr expected... since then it made me wonder... (damn... maroon 5's makes me wonder is playin in my head -.-) after meetin wit some frens who r currently furtherin their studies in collage n other places... i noticed majority of them hav found someone... someone they like... but i was shocked to know tht some of them whom i nvr though would ACTUALLY get 1 did da totally opposite... they actually got 1... maybe its jus me... my past xperience made me long for tht feelin even more... though my past xperience wasnt somethin i would call beautiful i treasure it nonetheless... now i long for somethin i might nvr get for a very long time... longing for a hand to hold... a heart to love... someone to hug me when im cold... someone to laugh wit me when i laugh... fantasy? yes... fantasies would be nice... but now its reality... n it sucks... big time... especially for me...

things are changing... for better or for worse...?

2007-08-23T23:42:00.000+08:00

its weird how life is... things sometimes jus nvr seem to go our way no matter how hard we try to make it go our way... its depressin sometimes... knowin u hav to do things u nvr wan to do... be someone u reli don wan to be... though its nvr easy to do it but sometimes u jus hav to... i, for one, am becomin some what like a recluse... talkin to me seems to serve me very little purpose... its not tht i don like to talk but of da late, things n situations push me to make this move... when i try to give my opinion or ideas in a polite n nice way... ppl jus wont listen... but the saddest thing is sometimes ppl start to regret for not listenin... wat can i do?

even at home... i now hardly speak to my family members... talkin to them jus seem to end up in an argument or somethin like tht... i try to be patient but im losin it real fast... my mom thinks im good-for-nothing, my sis respects me as how she would respect a roadside dog n my dad, i don think i wan to mention bout it... rite now im usin a very different way... since i cant use a nice way to convey my msg... i hav no choice but to let my actions do the talkin... its definately somethin i don like doin... i talk onli when necessary...

unfortunately... i hardly talk to some, if not many of my frens... wat u all don know is... in da past i used to talk n keep contact wit most of my frens... but as time passes by... i began to realise tht im the one wastin all my effort doin tht... the 1 msging, smsing, instant msging is me... the rest r not bothered to even say a simple hi or hello... why should i be the 1 doin all this when other r not even bothered? is this the type of frens i need? wat i am doin now is lettin them make their decisions on wat they wan in a frenship... i've done my best... its about time they made their decision... i shall no longer interfere... im sick of it...

maybe some might think im a bastard to say this kinda things... but honestly... i don give a f*** on wat u think... i doesnt matter to me... its not goin to make me any more different than wat i am... i am who i am n ntg can change it... if u don like me thts ur prob... but be4 any of u make a criticism about me... y don u go look into the mirror 1st...

protect? or destroy? (drum roll...)

2007-07-13T23:26:00.000+08:00

3 words... oh... my... gawd...!!! thts da onli 3 words i can search in my brain when i left da air-conditioned, not-so brightly lit seatin area with a large screen n large speakers... thts rite... i jus watched transformers...!! n its good... its bloody good... its 1 hell've kick @$$ movie... its 1 of da best movies i hav ever seen in my entire life n not to mention i grew up watchin transformers as a kid... i actually didnt know i watched transformers as a kid till 1 day my mom asked me:

mom: eh... when u goin to watch transformers ar?
me : i donno la... not yet plan la... got a lot of skol things goin on la...
mom: aiyoh... but u like transformers ma... y don u watch this saturday?
me : yea meh...? i didnt know i watch transformers n like transformers last time oso...
mom: when u go to ur aunt's hse last time... u every time oso ask to see transformers... so long adi... sure 4get adi 1...
me : hmmm... could be kua... maybe thts y i so excited to watch...
(my mom doesnt speak like da way i typed... i jus did it 4 fun... =))

hence... i finally made a decision... do or die... i must watch transformers on da big screen... i dont care whether im busy or not... i must catch it... so 2day i went to watch it in jj bukit raja... n after da movie... all i can say is... its worth it!! thank u michael bay, steven spielberg n da whole cast n crew of transformers for brin back da young boy in me...(i hope i spelled their names correctly...-.-''') so now... time for me to go n enjoy reminiscin of optimus prime n gang... Autobots... transform... n roll out!! (heck... even da famous iconic line of optimus prime when he said it to megatron is runnin though my mind... 'One shall stand... One shall fall...'=D)

which side r u on? personally... i don care... they both kick @$$...!!

their war... our world... a big time movie tht blow our freakin minds!!!

chemistry rocks...?

2007-07-11T23:17:00.000+08:00

2day i did my 2nd chem practice... this practice is for me (and my class) to train our accuracy so tht when the REAL practical begins we would get da most accurate readin... not to mention tht all of us need to familiarize with da equipment/apparatus... so... 2day my experiment is about titration... da chemicals used are potassium manganese (vii) n an unknown oxalate solution of X... a formula was given n well we hav to find out wat is da average titration readin... as potassium manganese (vii) is dark purple in colour... da endin colour after da titration is a very light pink... my first readin was a rough readin as da amount of potassium managese (vii) used is jus a rough estimation... but da problem most of us faced is da temperature of da oxalate solution of X... da solution had to be heated until it reached 60 degrees celsius... so many of us got a brownish colour at da end of da experiment even though it was jus a rough estimation... however, my rough experiment turned out ok... da colour was a light pink but after half an hour to an hour later... da solution turn a light brown...!! (gasp!!) but nvrmind... i continued to do another 3 more times... this is da actual readin i need... so i had to do really carefully... most of my frens rough experiment turned brown in colour... reminds me of bah kut teh... hehehe... thankfully... my 3 experiments turned out well as da end colour is a very light pink... i took 2 photos of da experiment...

(l-r) da left most conical flask is da rough experiment followed by da next 3 expriments...

this is my last experiment... da pink is really nice... =)

frust....

2007-06-23T23:38:00.000+08:00

frustration... tht's wat i've been feelin for da past few days... pilin homework (my fault actually), other responsibilities, puttin up wit ppl askin reli stupid questions, etc... my patience is wearin thin... reli... i jus finished my pengajian am presentation... da powerpoint presentation is done but da speaker notes n other notes r not yet complete... hav to finish everythin by tmr... i still hav an essay to write... chem still got some questions... math tuition homework not yet touch... hav to cram everythin tmr... all this has lead me to question myself... i dunno y but things jus don seem to be headin da more comfortable direction for me... maybe its my lazy attitude (i hate to admit but...) or maybe its somethin else... da surroundin factors to play a role... ppl jus seem to ask/tell me things at da wrong time... for instance... 2day mornin i went for breakfast wit my dad... ask we were sittin down n sippin our tea... da topic of takin risks came out... i had my own opinion so did my dad... but our opinions kinda contradict... so i gave an example to clarify/strengthen my point... but then my dad said "y would u do tht? its not a realistic example... there is a better way to bla bla bla..." i was seriously taken aback... i said "its jus an example... y r u changin topic?" after tht i jus kept quiet while my dad continued... then this question kept runnin in my head "why did i bother to even talk in da 1st place? if i jus shut my damn mouth ntg would hav happened..." doesnt seem like a big prob rite? but things arent as they seem... some situations jus make u feel like 'i jus should not hav done it'... it doesnt matter whether its somethin big or small... its kinda frustratin... im seriously beginnin to crack under pressure... wit my patience wearin thin, da littlest of things can make me lose my temper... i cant help it... i tried stayin positive but there is no effect... prefect probation is comin up in a week or two... i reli hope i can stand tht period... if not i might jus do somethin i will reli regret...

reli bad day... =(

2007-06-18T19:18:00.000+08:00

today is a reli bad day... its 1 of those days when u wake up n go "i hav a reli bad feelin bout today"... da moment i woke up i had 1 sucky feelin... somethin told me things r goin to go horribly wrong... tru enuf... things DID go very wrong... i didnt go skol today becos i had to take my JPJ drivin test n today is da last day of orientation for da lower sixes... da highlight of today's orientation is da drama activity... my group however lack manpower... so da end result would not be as good or great as expected... i nvr reli had high expectations for my group as i knew they worked hard n i jus hoped thy had fun... da best drama title was not on my mind at all... but 1 thing i reli hoped for is tht my group would not go as da 1st or last group... reason: bein da 1st group would most likely kill their courage n bein last is as equally bad becos most of da audience would not pay attention anymore...

while i was waitin to take my road test (da hill, parkin n 3 corners test i passed =]) my group's facilitator (faci) SMSed me tellin tht my group tht they didnt get da best drama title... as i (kinda) expected i told my faci not to worry... but she told me tht my group members gave their best n they r kinda disappointed... plus... my group went last... tht was when i went "uh oh"... it was a bad sign... tru enuf... i then went for my road test... all went well... until... i made a mistake when i left da JPJ test centre... as i was exitin da centre i over-steered to da left n nearly entered da longkang... managed to avoid tht but da JPJ officer asked me to pull over... tht was da moment when (nearly) everythin came crashin down... he told me to leave da drivers seat as he is goin to drive... da reason behind it was wat happened earlier he noted down as dangerous drivin... he then asked me did i let go of da steerin wheel... i explained tht i didnt n i over-steered n i was reli nervous... after signin all da documents he took over da wheel n drove back to da centre... then he asked... "u 1st time ke?" so i said yea... he then asked me "u nervous ke?" i said yea... by da way he asked me i somehow got da feelin he wanted to let me continue da test but cant becos its wrong to do tht... he maybe felt bad becos of a small mistake i made n had to fail me... honestly... i felt like kickin myself tht time... i felt so disappointed n frustrated... it was tht moment when i realized tht da bad feelin i had this mornin somehow indirectly showed tht today is goin to be bad... but wat can i do... disappointed as i am, i still hav to face reality rite? looks like i hav to skip skol next monday to retake da test... sigh...

yes...!! at long last...!! i FINALLY got it.... hahaha...

2007-06-04T00:22:00.000+08:00

wohoo...!! *smilin from ear to ear* i finally bought da new linkin park cd... i donno wat to say... jus too happy... most importantly... i got a free poster...!! ermmm.... maybe im a lil to ecstatic... (eccentric maybe?) i'll hold tht thought... i feel sry to those who pre-booked da cd becos they wanted da poster... i got it without pre-bookin... hehehe... ok ok... i better stop be4 i go crazy... im actually listenin to it as i write (or type...??!!) this... its sound is diff from their ori sound... more of a break away from their nu-metal/hip-hop rock sound... interestin i must say... i say this not becos im a fan... its an honest opinion... here's the song listin...:

1. Wake
2. Given Out
3. Leave Out All the Rest
4. Bleed it out
5. Shadow of the Day
6. What I've Done
7. Hands Held High
8. No More Sorrow
9. Valentine's Day
10. In Between
11. In Pieces
12. The Little Thing Give You Away

chester sounds amazing as usual... it's a nice cd to listen to... give it a shot even if u're not a fan of rock music... no guarantees u will like it... musical taste differs among individuals...

(cough)...

2007-05-31T11:22:00.000+08:00

i jus recovered from my minor sickness... i would say it was jus a very bad stroke of luck... sunday mornin (27 may) i woke up wit a sore throat... wonderin how in da world i even got a sore throat becos i didnt take any heaty stuff, drank plenty of water, etc... after consultin my mom cum house doc (lol...) she said maybe da heat in my body accumulated over time... anyway... durin da afternoon (after lunch) mom got a call from my aunt... surprisingly my aunt n her fam wan to take my fam out for dinner... seafood dinner somore...!! -.- wat luck... not a night i would reli wanna remember... however... my cousin brought his ps2 along... so i had some fun playin his new game (although he won me 11:2... crap... dats very bad stats...)... still new to da game so i don reli mind losin... i could hav kicked his @$$ if i was playin soulcalibur 3... i rocked wit taki... hehehe... back to where i was... ntg much reli... 2day i jus recovered... form 6 has NOT been mercyful to me... 2 weeks onli n i hav homework pilin up adi... maths is givin me a headache (those of u who r good in math will not say its dat difficult)... chem is another killer... 3rd pg of organic chem n im knocked out (strike 3...!! yer... out...!!)... i'll update more on da comin days...

help...!! im seriously gettin a lil' desparate...!!

2007-04-29T00:33:00.000+08:00

gaa~!! i wan it~!! i need it~!! n i cant find a way to hav it but wait till da release date on 15 may... grr... cant wait to get my hands on linkin park's new album... MINUTES TO MIDNIGHT!! cant wait... cant wait... cant wait... lalala...

food for thought....??

2007-04-20T20:19:00.000+08:00

ok... here's somethin to ponder about... lets take telco A n telco B... telco A's tagline is 'if u can count, u will be wit telco A'... telco B's tagline is 'one low flat rate for sms, calls, etc.'... so, if u can count (i presume u can) u will be wit telco A rite...? but does this mean tht if u CAN'T count (which i presume many of u can), u will be wit telco B becos telco B has ONE low flat rate...?? plus... wat if u r usin telco A AND telco B (like me for instance) would u be able to count or not...? weird or funny? n wat bout other telco users...? take sometime to ponder on this... or maybe u can jus don give a damn... hahaha...

some NS pic~!!

2007-03-24T23:22:00.000+08:00

here are some NS pic i managed to get from my frens... =) enjoy!

me, my group of frens n my company's O.C Cikgu Talib (in black shirt)...

hehehe... =)

a group of crazy ppl... =P

hormat... hormat ke hadapan... hormat...!!

me, my gang of frens n my teacher, Cikgu Azmi (in casual dressing)...

;)

crap... tmr is gonna be damn sucky...

2007-03-24T23:12:00.000+08:00

urgh... tmr im goin 4 da ceramah undang2 4 my drivin licence... starts at 8am n ends round 3 somethin... so looooonnnnnngggggg~~~~~~~ X.X not to mention da stupid borin book... haih... but wat to do.. all 4 da sake of a drivin licence...!! =(((

damn... i felt like i freakin screwed it... ^^'''

2007-03-22T02:22:00.000+08:00

ok... i jus finished updatin my entire blog includin da layout... ok... da layout suks... really... feels like everythin went wrong... took me this long to do this stupid layout (i started at around 10pm n now its 2.22am)... jeez... im noob at this... so... if any of u hav anythin to say bout my blog pls feel free to do so... ESPECIALLY da layout... any comments, good or bad (yikes!!), tips, pointers, hint, teachings (huh?) or if ur jus darn bloody good at doin layouts (gosh... some of da blogs i visited hav fantastic layouts... make me REALLY feel like im REALLY noobie at this...) jus leave ur comment in da tagboard... thanks...

nasional service... the story... hehehe...

2007-03-21T22:17:00.000+08:00

alrite... i'll talk bout my NS experience... from day 1... after registration at da pickup point, i got on da bus n headed to my transit stop... story is like dis... my NS camp is Bagai Budi Camp, Sandakan, Sabah... all of da trainees (supposedly...) hav to leave for their destinations on da 1st of jan... but i got a letter statin tht i will be leavin on da 2nd of jan... but i still hav to be placed at a transit stop for an overnite stay... my transit stop was in Tanjung Rhu, Sepang... not a bad place i must say... after listenin to a 'short' welcomin speech, i went for lunch... i managed to get some info bout tht place from da trainers incharge there... apparently this place is specially made for trainers to stay n NOT for trainees... (no wonder its fascilities r not bad...) after gettin into our rooms (man... they r so darn STUFFY!! dont they ever air tht place?!) n settlin down, mixin round, teabreak n dinner, lastly had a another 'short' briefin on our flight da next day... ok... those who were goin to sandakan were split into 2 groups: group 1 leavin at 4am (man... thts WAY early... heh?) n group 2 leavin at 2pm (woot~!! my group... =D)... n da best part was those who were in group 2 laughed at those in group 1 becos they had to leave early... (THT was a VERY BAD idea...)

fast forward to next day... (i'll skip da breakfast n other stuff... too long n too borin...) group 2 left at 11 somethin (i think...) n reached at KLIA at 12... here is where da prob starts... all trainees r to check in n settle everythin 2 hours BE4 da flight... how is tht possible when we reached there at 12 while our flight is at 2?? at 1st we didnt know anythin... until i n 5 other guys got a 'pleasent surprise'... da guy incharge asked for 6 guys names... he didnt say wat it was for... so we thought we might make it on an early flight... but then... he told us we were goin to SIBU!! camp transfer somore... we PRACTICALLY begged him to cancel our names... at last he did... thts when everythin came out... all of us cannot board da flight eventhough there r seat avaliable... so we were left wit 2 options: 1) a small group split n go to Sibu while da rest go to a nearby camp; 2) all of us stick 2gether n go to a nearby camp... every1 seemed to prefer option 2 so all of us were transfered to Kem Setia Ikhlas, Semenyih...!! (rite here in S'gor...) i'll continue more in my comin posts...

very sry... very very sry...

2007-03-19T21:39:00.000+08:00

ok... i'd like to apologize becos i jus changed my tagboard... da old tagboard was kinda laggy... ok... not kinda... VERY laggy... so i changed my tagboard to somethin much better... but all da messager were unretrievable... so i'm very sry to those who posted their message/s...

im back!! this time for good...

2007-03-11T00:48:00.000+08:00

im back from NS... this time im really back... hehehe... i know its been awhile since i last updated my blog... but i don really mind cos no one really visits it anyway... so... tmr is spm result day... kinda suks though... i was hopin tht i could get a few days rest be4 results came out... but then... nvm la... =) hokay so... i'll blog bout my NS experience when i get all my pic n if i hav da time... expect da post to be long... VERY LONG... hehehe... so for now... this is jus bout it... so sry for da super-short post... tht's all for now...

this is my opinion... dont like it? dats ur prob....

2006-12-18T23:45:00.000+08:00

ok so... here i am starin at da com monitor wit ntg to do... in da end i decided to post somethin since nigel ask me y my blog not operatin... honestly la... operator very lazy wanna operate blog la... XD so i tried to come up wit somethin... n y not post bout my opinion?? somethin tht i see through my eyes n interperatate wit my brain...? somethin i would gladly say [without offendin anyone/parties] n not give a damn bout wat they say or think bout me? sounds good to me...

from wat i see, there r 3 types of ppl in this world... 1) da very good, angel-like ppl, 2) da normal ones n 3) da direct opposite of da num 1) type of ppl... if i had to categorize myself i would be in btwn num 1) n num 2)... ok la... im not DAT GOOD la... but im not dat bad either... but wat bout da ppl around me? surprisingly... [i actually hoped there r none of these ppl as my frens] i found a few num 3) type of ppl... i don wan to mention names or give any hints or pointers bout their identity cos its not nice... rude actually...

let me give an example... some of us like to do da lil stuff for others... things tht would put a smile on other ppls face... things tht would make them happy... i, for one like n don mind doin this for others... but then... da worse thing is... these ppl do not appreciate our effort n even scold/screw us for doin it... not mention they don even say 'thanks'... we do this out of pure sincerity... not askin for any kind of repayment... so y do this to us...? it all comes down to da nature of tht person... they jus don see da lil things... our actions r alwis inferior to theirs n they will alwis be superior than us in every way...

its a very simple to know who these ppl r... im quite sure everyone knows someone who is jus like dat... n some r even worse... guys especially... they alwis wanna act cool in front of da gals... come on la... changin ur attitude jus becos of some gurls is too much for me... plus when goin out in groups wit gurls... alwis doin wat they do n ignorin ur own guy frens... pls la... its obvious isnt it...? these ppl r DESPARATE... to them... gurls r everythin... makes me sick...

so... some of u r obviously pissed at me for this n some of u might agree wit wat i say... but for me... i don give a damn bout wat u think or say... u r da onli person who should judge urself n come out wit da verdict... if u think im a bastard, idiot n stupid then in ur eyes im... i cant change how u think jus becos u wan to believe so... i know who i am n i believe in myself... for da rest or u... condemn me if u like for i don really care...

*if this post offended anyone, i sincerly apologise*

if onli goodbyes n separations weren't so painful...

2006-10-25T02:10:00.000+08:00

not too long ago, i attended a function a fren of mine organised. it was a small function, about 9 ppl attended includin me. everythin was goin ok. as we were eatin lunch, the subject about wat we were goin to do after spm popped up. i was kinda quiet tht day. so i did most of da listenin. after listenin, i didnt really cared much cos it didnt seem to matter at tht time. jus be4 lunch was over, i recieved news tht another fren of mine might be leavin malaysia to further studies.

2 days after tht function, this issue started botherin me. i began to realise tht after spm things are goin to change, and the worse part is, its goin to affect almost everyone. i kept on thinkin, "im goin to lose my frens becos of time." everyone has their own plans, includin me. some are leavin the country, some are goin to college. but, losin frens is not wat seems to bother me the most, its da possibility tht i may nvr see them again. c'mon , think about it. everyone is goin thier separate ways, and there's ntg anyone can do about it.

initially, i felt very happy for my fren who might be furthurin studies outside malaysia. but after givin much thought about it, i actually dont want my fren to leave. this applies to everyone i know regardless of their future plans; i dont wan anythin to change the way they are now. how can i be so selfish to say this? how can i be happy and yet sad at the same time? questions i cannot answer no matter how hard i try. why has life got to be so unfair? why do all of us hav to separate? why cant things stay the way they are now? i know, some of you (readers) might be sayin, "aiyah, why worry... email got wat, hp num got wat. anytime can call rite...?" true. but there are somethings even technology cannot do. emails and smses can keep us in touch, but they cannot bring back the fun times and memories we share in person. the feelin is differen. enjoy tht person's presence, talkin to tht person face-to-face, can nvr be done wit technology.

some of u might be familiar wit Vitamin C's song 'Graduation'.
as we go on,
we remember,
all the times we had together,
as our lives change,
come whatever,
we will still be,
friends forever.
no better way to say this but to immortalize it in a song like how william shakesphere immortalize his fren in his poem 'Sonet 18'. i now realise how important my frens are to me. they say, "you will nvr appreciate somethin until you hav lost it". maybe i realised too late. my frens are as important to me, if not more, than my life. regardless of gender, age, race and religion, i love every single one of them. i know, i nvr show it directly but everyone of you are special and unique.

most of you (readers) might be sayin, "its ok to separate... we can still find new frens." although it is true, but new frens can nvr replace the old one's we lost. sigh... the hardest part in all this is the goodbye's. its nvr easy to say one and mean it. as i look back in sadness, i realise i could hav done so much for my frens, and yet, i didnt. countless opportunities presented themselves to me, opportunities to show my love and gratitude to them, but i didnt make us of it.

i hav ntg much to say, but i do hope i made my point here. i love my frens so much till i find it so hard to let them go. i nvr once thought this would happen, but tht was jus simply naive of me. as i begin to understand wat i hav to do as a fren, i know i must take watever opportunities i have left to show my frens how i truly care for them be4 its too late. so, i apologize for wat ever mistakes i made and watever comments or statements i made tht may hav hurt anyone, i take it back. if possible, pls forgive me whole-heartedly. everyone of you hav a special place in my heart. thanks for makin life such a joy for me. i hope i can turn back time , and relive all those moments we share together. thanks for makin who i am today.

bah... today was damn sucky...

2006-09-01T23:42:00.000+08:00

today was freakin sucky... woke up feelin so damn blardy sleep... went skol like zombie... thank god i had my frens to help me stay awake... crackin jokes yea... luff my ass off... hahaha... =) when i was on my way home, my mom said im havin my fav wan tan mee for lunch... alright... then when i went to buy... da uncle tell me, 'boy, char siu boh liao...' u gotta be kiddin me??!! its onli 12.45pm n no more char siu??!! wat da heck man... urgh... so went home wit no mee... =( had to eat instant noodles (sobs) for lunch be4 goin for my bm tuition... in tuition was feelin so sleepy... half way through i jus put my head down... teacher saw me... 'oi... jangan tidur... hari ni banyak kerja...' bah... so tired... ask me do work somore... =.= managed to do except one question... don care la... handed up my book n went home... went home d... i took a pillow (ah... FINALLY i can rest...) slept on da floor... then my mom went to fetch my sis... came back... i kena marah... 'Don sleep on da floor!!' -.- kacau onli la... ask me go sleep on da couch... i don wan sleep on da couch cos if i sleep there i cannot wake up... no choice lor... went n sleep on da couch... tru enuf i slept at 6 woke up at 8 (gasp!!) wth... its 8 already??!! didnt plan to sleep so long... wat to do... woke up... took my dinner... then i watched some tv... then took my bath... after my bath i went n did add maths latihan!! i cant believe i actually did some... after doin... im online =) yay! hahaha... so basically tht's my freakin sucky day... n now... im bored out of my skull... again...

happy merdeka!!

2006-08-31T00:15:00.000+08:00

HappY Merdeka!!

wishin our country and everyone a very happy merdeka!! today holi... try to enjoy our independence... too bad for those who hav to study... includin me... oh well... =P

tmr (skol celebratin) Merdeka.. i oso Merdeka...

2006-08-29T23:25:00.001+08:00

as most of u or i should say ALL of u should know tht the day after tmr is National Day... its safe to say tht most skols will hav their celebration... as usual... my skol will hav a lot of absenties becos its Merdeka Day Celebration... our country merdeka we oso merdeka... rite...? hahaha... so tmr... there will be a lot of 'ponteng kaki's'... me...? im not sure... should i do it...? or should i not do it...? oh well... its left to be seen... hahaha... crazy...? i don think so... as Nike would say it 'Just Do It'... so lets do it... watever u think i will be doin its solely up to u...

*if u still don get wat im tryin to say, im talkin about poteng-ing skol la...............

my first post... y did i do this in da first place? -.-

2006-08-28T21:38:00.000+08:00

hello... this is my first post... truthfully... i hav no idea y i started a blog... -.- its kinda weird though... maybe i did this becos its a trend? ah well... who knows... anyway... thanks for takin time to see my blog... currently there arent much stuff i can post... i'll try to update it as much as possible... =)

that's all for now...

my side of the story... wanna hear it?

dong dong chang no more

dong dong chang!!

total random-ness

woe... woe...

goodbye 2007, hello 2008?

dear readers...

sweets r sweet... (duh~)

sleepy... =.=

limits ppl, LIMITS...!!

men AND women r from earth... not mars n venus...

its over...

*fill in wit ur own title*

muahahaha... *evil laugh*

food-ie for thought-ie...?

*head blows up*

little things matter the most... is there such a thing...?

if there is still hope...

things are changing... for better or for worse...?

protect? or destroy? (drum roll...)

chemistry rocks...?

frust....

reli bad day... =(

yes...!! at long last...!! i FINALLY got it.... hahaha...

(cough)...

help...!! im seriously gettin a lil' desparate...!!

food for thought....??

some NS pic~!!

crap... tmr is gonna be damn sucky...

damn... i felt like i freakin screwed it... ^^'''

nasional service... the story... hehehe...

very sry... very very sry...

im back!! this time for good...

this is my opinion... dont like it? dats ur prob....

if onli goodbyes n separations weren't so painful...

bah... today was damn sucky...

happy merdeka!!

tmr (skol celebratin) Merdeka.. i oso Merdeka...

my first post... y did i do this in da first place? -.-

fill in wit ur own title

muahahaha... evil laugh

head blows up